Favorite Jim Halpert Quotes
Jim: Alright so I'll finish up on bulk pricing and then you go into delivery guarantee.
Pam: You know maybe there's an opportunity for a joke there. Like um, like, "I just delivered a baby. They didn't offer me a guarantee!"
Jim: Yeah or maybe we don't even need that.
Michael: Hi! Sorry, to interrupt, a little time sensitive. [to Donna] Do you, Donna, by any chance happen to shop at Victoria Secret?
Jim Halpert: What?
Michael: Because I keep getting these magazines sent to me via the address of the woman who used to live in my condo before me?
Jim: None of this is time sensitive.
Michael: Uh, yes. Uh, the sale is on now through May.
Andy: We have such a roller coaster thing, Karen and I.
Jim: Excuse me?
Andy: Roller-coastery friendship. Hot and cold. On again, off again. Sexual tension-filled type of deal. It's very Sam and Diane.
Jim: Wow.
Andy: From Cheers.
Jim: Yup.
Andy: Yeah.
I started biking to work. Josh does it, and he lives a lot farther away than I do. And also, it saves gas money, keeps me in shape, helps the environment, and now I know it makes me really sweaty for work.
Andy: Hey. What are we doing? What's the game? I want in.
Jim: Oh, there's no game. We're just trying to get these chips for Karen.
Andy: Did you... check the vending machine?
Karen: Oh, the vending machines! How did we miss that?
Jim: I have no idea. We went right for the copier... and then we checked the fax machine...
Andy: Did you... check... your... butt!?
Oh my god! Dwight got a hooker! Oh my god, I gotta call... I gotta call somebody. I don't know who to call... Dwight got a HOOKER!
Jim
Jim: Ever since I was a little kid, like eight or nine, I could sort of control things with my mind.
Dwight: I don't believe you. Continue.
Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure you do.
Yeah. I mean, it's inevitable. I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but I'm fine with it. She hears me arranging my social life, and we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out.
Pam: Does anyone want to know where I've been for the past two hours?
Jim: Oh my God. I've been play zombie soccer for the past two hours?
So, yesterday Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. Which is unfortunate, because it turns out that Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs.
Jim
Gabe: Look at Jim and Pam. They don't touch. They don't kiss. You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife.
Jim: Did it. Love it. Keep it goin'.
