Favorite Jim Halpert Quotes
Pam: Fargo, um, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused...
Jim: Ooh, definitely in my top five.
Pam: Yes - in my top three, so suck it.
Jim: Phyllis by a nose! Gold medal in Flernuntin.
Pam: Flonkerton.
Jim: Thank you, delegate from Iceland.
Jim: I think those might be empty.
Pam: No, no, 'cuz the ice melts, and then it's like second drink.
Roy: Well, what is your type?
Jim: ... Moms, primarily. Yup. Soccer moms. Single moms. Nascar moms. Any type of mom really.
Kevin: Stay away from my mom...
Jim: Too late, Kev.
Jim: Wait, what are you writing? Don't write ebola or mad cow disease, all right? Because I'm suffering from both of them.
Pam: I'm inventing new diseases.
Jim: Oh, great.
Pam: So, like, let's say that my teeth turn to liquid and then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?
Jim: I thought you said you were inventing new diseases. That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
Pam: Nice.
Michael: Jim, now is the time to stop putting Dwight's personal effects into jello.
Jim: Okay. Dwight, I'm sorry, because I've always been your biggest flan.
Michael: [laughs] Oh, nice!! That's the way it is around here, just kind of goes round and round and round...
Ryan: [playing along] You should have put him in custardy.
Michael: Oh, hey! Yes! New guy, and he scores!
Ryan: Jim. I wanted to apologize... for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself and now that I've quit the rat race I've realized there's so much more to life than being the youngest VP in the company's history. I've even started volunteering. Giving back to the community.
Jim: Well that's great. You're talking about your court ordered community service?
Ryan: I don't need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean.
Jim: But he did, right?
Ryan: All right.
Jim: All right.
Jim: Dwight, what are you doing?
Dwight: What?
Jim: What are you doing?
Dwight: Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate.
Jim: It's not on your desk!
Dwight: It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. One word, two syllables. Demarcation.
Jim: He has not stopped working for a second. At 12:45 he sneezed while keeping his eyes open, which I always thought was impossible. At 1:32 he peed, and I know that because he did it in an open soda bottle under the desk while filling out expense reports. And on the flip side, I have been so busy watching him that I haven't even started work. It's exhausting, being this vigilant. I'll probably have to go home early today.
Why haven't I proposed yet? Uh, actually Pam and I talked about it. And we just decided that, um - well, we didn't want to spend first three months of our engagement apart. And Pam's always said she doesn't want a long engagement. Something in her past, I guess. I'm not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here...
Jim: Remember that time that I helped you do your laundry and that crazy guy came in and started yelling at you?
Pam: And then, remember, we went shopping the next day to buy me a washer and dryer?
Jim: Yet here you are, back in a Laundromat. Now, I'm just trying to help you, Beesly. Be safe.
Pam: You're probably upset that I'm even at a Laundromat right now. But, don't worry, I'm being safe. And I'm headed home. I'm... headed to my dorm. Not home.
Jim: Wish you were home. Uh, anyway...
Pam: Anyway, um... I miss you.
Jim: I miss you.
Michael: Oh, my God, what happened?
Jim: We were robbed last night.
Dwight: Bravo, Watson. Looks like a classic seven-man job. Okay, security tapes were stolen, Motives - financial, or possible, vintage HP computer collectors. Hank down at security had clocked out. And that's all we have.
