Favorite Jim Halpert Quotes
Michael: Um, so, Darryl, and the boys in the hood in the warehouse, have graciously donated to, uh, go out for a beer with them right now. You know what, I'm actually going to bid on this. I'm going to start the bidding, because this is something that I have dreamt of-
Darryl: Mike, you can't do that. It's conflict of interest.
Jim: Five dollars.
Darryl: Sold! To Jim.
Michael: Okay. Okay, sold! Have fun, you guys. Well, this next item is sure to spring steam from your ears if you don't win it. It just says "Creed."
Creed: Yeah, that's all-inclusive.
Roy: Halpert?
Darryl: What's up, Roy?
Jim: Hey man.
Roy: I'm not gonna hit you or anything.
Jim: Oh, I wouldn't ...
Roy: You good?
Jim: I'm good. How you doing?
Roy: I'm good.
Jim: Yeah, okay.
Roy: Hey Darryl, what's happenin'?
Darryl: Oh, what's up, Roy?
Roy: Hey, what's up, guys? How you been?
Roy: What's going on with Pam?
Jim: Oh, she's good actually.
Roy: Yeah?
Jim: She's, um, she's in New York. She's at an art school.
Roy: Really?
Jim: Yeah, she's doing really well.
Roy: Huh.
Jim: She's engaged, um... to me.
Roy: Congrats, man.
Jim: Oh, thanks man. Appreciate that.
Roy: So Pam's happy?
Jim: Yeah, I'd say she's happy. I mean, she loves her classes. Loves the city. I mean, last night, she was out with her friends, 'til, like, 8:00 a.m.
Roy: Wow.
Jim: What?
Roy: I thought you were a friend.
Jan: Hi.
Michael: Hello.
Jim: Hi.
Jan: How are you?
Michael: Come on in. Good to see you.
Jan: Chilly huh? So glad we finally got to do this with you guys. You wanna take their coats babe?
Michael: Yes I would. So, what have you been doing?
Jim: Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago?
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: I have been getting ready and then driving over here.
Michael: Well we have been doing pretty much the same thing.
Jim: Really?
Michael: Except driving.
Pam: For the record, I wanted go another direction. Which was way better.
Jim: Well, I'll be the judge of that. What do you got?
Pam: Okay. I lost my engagement ring in ceramics class. Left it in my smock. I had this whole thing where I go back to class, wrongly accuse another girl. Look I even used makeup to put a ring around my finger, you can hardly see it, it's very subtle.
Jim: That is good.
Pam: Thank you.
Jim: Truthfully anything would have been better than that prank. [laughs] Oh, text message from my brother. "Pam cool. Welcome to the family."
Pam: Oh. Hey how about at Thanksgiving we prank Tom about being bald?
I need a decent bonus, because I'm actually in the process of buying my parents' house so that they can retire. And if history tells us anything, it's that you can't go wrong buying a house you can't afford.
Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least nine times. And every time we've been able to get out of it. But I've got to give him credit, he got me. Because I'm starting to suspect that there was no assignment from corporate.
Pam: W.B. Jones is renovating their offices and their construction crews are taking up some of the parking spaces we used to get.
Jim: So we had to park at a satellite parking lot over there.
Pam: Which just means we get to see more of our lovely street. Tell them what we saw today Jim.
Jim: Oh today, we saw a junkyard dog attacking the bones of a rotisserie chicken.
Pam: Nature.
Pam comes back from New York next week and everyone here has just been so excited for me. And involved. And intrusive. And weird.
Jim: How does everyone know already?
Dwight: Know what?
Meredith: Pam failed art school.
Dwight: Oh, well, doesn't surprise me.
Jim: Excuse me?
Dwight: Have you seen her painting, Jim? The building? There are shadows coming from two different directions.
Phyllis: Dwight, stop it.
Stanley: Dwight.
Dwight: What? Are there two suns?
So I caught everyone before they left and I told them my idea, and they loved it. Because this is a group that respects good ideas... the one time a year they hear one.
Andy: So, Tunes, you still gonna buy your old man's place?
Jim: Yeah, I am. Wait, how do you know that? I didn't tell you that.
Andy: Ehhh no, I was just walking by your desk. I saw some email. I got peepers of an eagle.
Jim: That's really not cool.
Andy: Kaaw!
