Jim Halpert Quotes
I'm just hiding out until all this stuff blows over. With Creed. Playing chess. At work. He's winning. I feel like I'm describing a dream I had.
Creed: [playing chess] No. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do this, I'm gonna do that.
Jim: Well, what if I just do this?
Creed: You don't want to do that.
Creed: It's crazy what's going on out there today, huh?
Jim: I know. Yeah, it's... kinda -
Creed: Sometimes it's best just to stay out of it.
Jim: That's true. That's right. Yeah.
Michael: If there is something that you would like to say as a group, then by all means, you may say it to me right now.
Angela: Okay.
Michael: Yes.
Angela: People are dressed inappropriately.
Michael: Take it up with Toby. What I want you to do, is I want you to look inward. And I want you to reflect. And I want you to say something different.
Jim: Can you give us a hint?
Creed: I want to set you up with my daughter.
Jim: Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
Creed: I thought you were gay.
Jim: Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
Creed: I don't know.
Charles: So how long can they stay viable?
Jim: What are your top five cases?
Dwight: I'm gonna answer Charles first.
Jim: Because you've solved zero cases.
Dwight: Okay, one. Case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm. No footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Boom, case closed.
Charles: Okay, do not go anywhere near the conference room.
Dwight: Well, Jerry, the one who got away. May I ask why you're leaving the Michael Scott Paper Company? Really? Please hold. [gets up and runs to kitchen] Charles.
Charles: Dwight.
Dwight: May I have your attention? The Michael Scott Paper Company is broke.
Charles: What? How'd you hear that?
Dwight: They've been calling all of their clients and begging them to pay more money. That can only mean one thing. They're desperate. Which can only mean one thing. They're total failures.
Jim: Great work Dwight.
Dwight: Quiet you.
Jim: No, I mean, great detective work. 'Cause this must be the first case you've ever cracked, right?
Dwight: You don't crack a case. That has pejorative connotation. That's like calling a policeman a cop. You solve a case, and yes, I've solved plenty.
Jim: Now, this is the projection over three months?
Charles: We still have the inventory sitting-- [everyone starts chattering at once]
Dwight: Let me float something out there, okay? Can I just say-- can I say something?
David: Yeah, yeah.
Dwight: There is a hive of bees outside the front door. We kidnap the queen, extract her alarm pheromones, place them on a flushable wipe, put that in his bathroom.
David: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the cheapest option... is to make Michael an offer.
Charles: Yes. Yes, I was gonna say the same thing. We should buy him out.
Jim: Oh, but you didn't.
Dwight: Oh, Man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure.
Charles: What is wrong with you?
Jim : You're just out of business?
Pam: We have maybe a month. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Jim: Oh, yeah, well don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. We'll be okay.
Pam: That's what Michael said.
Jim: Now, would corporate approve a temporary price reduction for returning customers?
Charles: God, no.
Dwight: Stupid. Yeah, makes us look weak.
Charles: I agree.
Dwight: I say we fill Michael's office with bees. My apiarist owes me a favor.
Jim: Really? Does he do good work?
David Wallace: Would you let Charles know that David is here, please? Jim, hey.
Jim: Hey, David.
Dwight: David Wallace! Hello, we've been expecting you, David Wallace. Charles and I were waiting for you.
Charles: There he is. There he is. How was the trip up?
David: A lot better than a month at the Scranton Radisson, I'm sure.
Charles: Oh, you know it hasn't been that bad. Hasn't been that bad. These people are the salt of the earth down here. You couldn't ask for a better way to learn a company.
David: Hmmm.
Charles: I feel like I should be thanking you.
David: Uh.
Charles: Okay, who covers Bans Pet Grooming?
Jim: Oh, they're my client.
Charles: No, they were your client. They just called and told us they're switching over to Michael Scott Paper Company.
Dwight: [sighs] Shame, Jim. I expected more.
