(Susan confronts Julie with a can of beer.)
Julie: Oh, it was Austin's, okay? I was tutoring him, he brought beer, I told him to throw it out and he did, end of story.
Susan: Did you have any?
Julie doesn't answer and turns around.
Susan: I cannot believe this.
Julie: That's it! Go to your room and finish packing. This conversation is over!
Susan: The last time I checked, I was the parent.
Julie: The last time I checked, I was the daughter who never gave you any reason to doubt her. And don't play the parent card with me! I just finished packing your suitcase, doing your laundry and balancing your checkbook! And now I'm going to the store to buy your toothpaste.

Austin: Mouthwash, toothpaste. Did someone get an anonymous e-mail?
Julie: Said the boy with the economy-size acne cream.

Julie: So, why did they send you to juvie anyway?
Austin: They didn't. My mom did.
Julie: Why?
Austin: She had this boyfriend. No job, big drunk, real catch. One night he pops her one, so I break a chair over his head, and, uh, and she calls the copson me.
Julie: But you were protecting her.
Austin: Yeah, that's what I thought. But the guy said he'd leave if she didn't press charges and, well, my mom doesn't really like to be alone.

Julie: Normally I charge twelve bucks an hour for tutoring, but seeing as it's you...fifteen!
Austin: Great. See you Friday. Oh! And just so you know, I charge fifteen an hour to make out, so I'll probably beak even.

Edie: Julie, sweetie. You're a good girl. Do yourself a favor and stay away from my nephew.
Julie: Trust me, I have no interest in swaggering, muscle-bound juvenile delinquents.
Edie: Honey, that's what every good girl says, just before she becomes a bad girl. Trust me, I know.

Desperate Housewives Quotes

Dr. Barr: Hey there. I was surprised to hear you wanted a session.
Bree: Well, there's nothing like being tied to a bed to change a girl's mind.
Dr. Barr: What do you wanna talk about?
Bree: Anything at all. As you said, I...I have a lot of issues.
Dr. Barr: Well, I assumed as much when you told the ridiculous story about your daughter running off with a murderer.
Bree: Saw right through that, did ya?
Dr. Barr: Well, I'm a trained professional, Bree. The human mind is my playground.
Bree: Well, I'm glad that you're having fun.

(to dead body) "Tu me manques, Monique" ("I Miss You Monique").

Orson