The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXKrusty the Klown Quotes
Didn't Itchy Junior look happy playing with his father? And didn't Scratchy Junior look happy playing with his dad until they got run over by a thresher?
Boys and girls, I'd like to be serious for a moment if I may. Spotlight, please. I just wanted spotlight moves away from Krusty I just wan (spotlight moves away again) Come on guys, I'm not doing the spotlight bit.
Krusty: (Singing) Oh Mein Papa, to me he was so wonderful, Oh Mein Papa, to me he was so good, no one could be, so gentle and so loveable, Oh Mein Papa he always understood!
Moe: I've got something in my eye.
Barney: Here, take my hanky.
Moe: Euueeh!
I hope all you kids come out this weekend and really pack this place, just to show em how grateful I am. I told them you would! Don't make me a liar!
Krusty: Hi, kids! (Laughs) Guess what, Sideshow Mel?
(Mel slides his whistle) It's time for Itchy and Scratchy!
Audience: B-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
Krusty: Hey, hey! Settle down boys and girls, or Krusty will have to bring out his old friend, Corporal Punishment again.
Judge Snyder: Can it be that the champion of child literacy can't even read himself?
Krusty: Is it a crime to be illiterate?
Prosecutor: All right, all right. See this, Krusty? (Holds up an evidence label with a "B" on it.) This is a "B." And this is exhibit B. (Holds up betting slips.) Betting slips--obtained by this court indicating that you have lost substantial sums of money on sports gambling.
Krusty: Is it a crime to bet on sporting events?
Prosecutor: Yes, it is!
Krusty: Oh.
There's someone out there in Krustyland who has committed an atrocity! If you know who cut off Jebediah's head--I don't care if it's your brother, your sister, your daddy or your mommy... turn 'em in, and Krusty will send you a free slide whistle just like Sideshow Bob's!
Krusty: I work like I drink: alone, or with a monkey watching.
Lady Exec: These are your ratings with young girls.
Krusty: If my writers knew how to appeal to girls, they wouldn't be writers.
Krusty: Goodn ight kids, and don't forget Krusty loves you.
Director: That's a wrap.
Krusty: You kids in the studio audience, please hand back all the hats, toys and savings bonds I passed out during the taping.
