South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralFavorite Kyle Broflovski Quotes
Stan: Oh my goodness, you killed Kenny.
Kyle: (indifferently) Bastard.
Kyle: Does poo go to heaven?
Chef: I kinda hope not.
Stan: Go ahead, Kyle; ask them for your baby brother back.
Kyle: Visitors... This morning you took my little brother, Ike. He's the little freckled kid that looks like a football. At first, I was happy you took him away, but I've learned something today... That having a little brother is a pretty special thing.
Stan: Yeah.
Kyle: Ah, heck, Mr. Visitors... I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world, but if you could find it in your hearts or whatever you have, to give my brother back to me, it sure would make my life brighter again...
Stan: That was beautiful, dude.
Kyle: Did it work?
Stan: No, they're leaving.
Kyle: Hey, you scrawny-ass ********! What the **** is wrong with you?! You must be some kind of ******* ******* to be able to ignore a crying child!
Stan: Whoa, dude!
Kyle: You know what you ******* like?! You like to **** and **** and **** and **** and **** and ****!
Stan: Hey, Wendy. What's a ****?
Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman's father? Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef? Is it Mephesto? Or that little monkey guy that follows him around? Or is it Mr. Garrison?
Jimbo: Nope. He's gay.
Mr. Garrison: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!
Narrator: Is it Jimbo?
Jimbo: Daaagh!
Narrator: Or is it Officer Barbrady?
Officer Barbrady: Huh?! Where?!
Narrator: Or could it be Ned?
Ned: Could be.
Narrator: Or Mr. Broflovski??
Kyle: Dad, how could you?!
Narrator: Or is it the 1991 Denver Broncos? The answer is coming on an all-new South Park, in just four weeks.
Cartman: What?! Son of a bitch!!
Kyle: Does anybody know anything about corporations?
Cartman: I think my mom is a corporation.
Stan: (sarcastically) Yeah, that makes sense.
(After Kenny has been struck by lightning)
Kyle: Oh my god, they killed Kenny!
Stan: You bastards!
Kelley: Who!? Who killed him!?
Kyle: They...uh, they did.
Kelly: Who's they!?
Stan: ..They're bastards...
Kyle: Officer Barbrady!
Officer Barbrady: What?
Kyle: Is it illegal for Jewish people to eat Christmas snow?
Officer Barbrady: Yes.
Mr. Mackey: Hi boys!
Stan and Kyle: (imitating Mackey) Hello, Mr. Mackey.
Mr. Mackey: Have you boys been sure to pass gas so that you don't spontaneously combust?
Kyle: We know how to fart, Mr. Mackey.
Mr. Mackey: Well let me show you. (pats his butt) Oooh, baby, come on.
(Mr. Mackey farts and boys cover their noses and mouths)
Kyle: Jesus Christ!
Stan: Sick, dude!
Mr. Mackey: I had a steak wrapped with bacon last night. (giggles)
Kyle: Dude, I think you pulled mud.
Mr. Mackey: So you know you need to do that regularly, mmmkay.
Stan: Okay, okay, just go away. (Mackey goes away) Dude, that was not cool at all.
Cartman: Why don't you go back to San Fransisco with the rest of the Jews?
Kyle: There aren't any Jews in San Fransisco, retard!
Stan: I have it! I have the question. Now you have to answer me once and for all! How come I haven't gotten my period yet?!
(everyone is speechless)
God: My child, you are a boy. Boys do not get periods. That is only for girls. You're friends were bleeding a little bit out of their asses due to an acute colon infection, and you're friend Kyle simply lied about it.
Kyle: Hey, how'd he know that?!
God: You will hit puberty when the time is right, but you will never have a period because you are a man with titties.
(all the kids are panicked and making a lot of noise)
Ms. Crabtree: All right! (she opens a box and pulls out a revolver and a rabbit) Everybody shut up or the cute little bunny DIES!!
(everybody shuts up)
Stan: She's always trying to get us to shut up by threatening to kill that bunny, but do you think she ever would?
Kyle: Oh she would dude, she would.
Stan: (imitating Mr. Mackey) We're sorry, Mr. Mackey, mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Uh, that's okay, just don't let it happen again.
Kyle: We won't let it happen again, Mr. Mackey, mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay, that's that.
Cartman: Mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay.
