South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralKyle Broflovski Quotes
Cartman: Hey, you guys! What if Ms. Crabtree doesn't come back and we're all trapped up here forever!
(The kids all gasp.)
Kyle: We couldn't get trapped up here forever, Cartman; we'd die after a couple of days
(The kids all gasp louder.)
Stan: Dude!
Kyle: What?
Cartman: (scared) I don't wanna die on this bus with you assholes! You guys suck!
Stan: Dude, would you just relax? We've been in a lot worse situations than this, and we've come out of them just fine.
Kyle: Worse than this??
Stan: Oh, sure. Don't you remember the time the alien visitors kidnapped your little brother Ike? Now THAT was scary!
(all the kids are panicked and making a lot of noise)
Ms. Crabtree: All right! (she opens a box and pulls out a revolver and a rabbit) Everybody shut up or the cute little bunny DIES!!
(everybody shuts up)
Stan: She's always trying to get us to shut up by threatening to kill that bunny, but do you think she ever would?
Kyle: Oh she would dude, she would.
Stan: Oh my god! Kenny... killed... Death...
Kyle: You... bastard?
Kyle: Dammit Cartman! You are such a fat f**k!!
Ms. Crabtree: What did you say?!?!
Cartman: I can't possibly finish this whole chocolate cake by myself. Oh yes I can.
Kyle: Shut up Cartman!
Kyle: Are there any questions? Yes, Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison: Yes, where the f**k did you hear this ridiculous load of bulls**t?
Kyle: From Vietnam veterans.
Kyle: We're sorry for turning Ned into a vegetable.
Jimbo: Ah, he'll be fine. I'll just take him home and show him some good hardcore porn and he'll snap right out if it.
Cartman: (while in a dress) Why do I have to be the old lady?
Kyle: Because your fat and all old ladies are too!
Cartman: Hey!
Kyle: (about the nurse) And when she moved up and down, the little fetus jiggled!
All boys: Eww!
Cartman: Did it talk?? The little fetus, did it talk??
Kyle: No, dude! It looked dead!
All boys: Eww!
Stan: Was it wearing clothes??
Kyle: (weirded out) Dude, where's she gonna get fetus clothes?
Stan: Oh, yeah Eww!
All boys: Eww!
Stan: (imitating Mr. Mackey) We're sorry, Mr. Mackey, mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Uh, that's okay, just don't let it happen again.
Kyle: We won't let it happen again, Mr. Mackey, mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay, that's that.
Cartman: Mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay.
Stan: (about Kyle telling his parents) Dude, you shouldn't have told them that; now they're gonna go find him and cut off his penis!
Cartman: Fireman.
Kyle: Ah, who the hell cares? He's not even my responsibility!
(Kenny falls in an empty grave; the gravestone breaks in half and falls on him, killing him as well.)
Stan: Oh, my god! They killed Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards.
Cartman: Dude, you don't just chop off somebody's fireman!
Kyle: I won't believe it, I won't.
