Cartman: Just tell them that if they leave town peacefully, we won't have to resort to violence.
Butters: [wearing mask; deep voice] Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this. Just walk away and we will spare your lives. Just walk away.
Kyle: [to Stan] Man, he's pretty good.

Stan: Don't look at Butters' schlong, gaymo!
Cartman: (in panicking voice) I wasn't looking as his schlong, I was seeing how to put the condom on!
Kyle: Sure.

Chef: Hello there, children.
Boys: Hey, Chef.
Chef: How is sexual-education class coming?
Stan: It's dumb. Mister Mackey isn't teaching us anything.
Chef: Yeah, I don't think ol' Mackey knows a hymen from a hysterectomy. And Ms. Choksondik? I'd be surprised she's ever been laid in her life.
Kyle: Yeah. Chef, what's "laid"?
Chef: Oh, nothing. Now move along, children, you're holding up the line.

(Stan & Kyle torture a Jennifer Lopez doll)
Stan: So, we meet again, Jennifer Lopez!
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) No, no, please! This time I swear I won't make albums or movies.
Stan: That's what you said last time, but obviously we must now resort to more drastic measures.
(uses magnifying glass to burn the doll)
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) Oh God it burns! It burns!
Stan: Scream for me, bitch!

(after hearing the story of Job in the Bible)
Kyle: That's the most horrible story I've ever heard. Why would God do such a horrible thing to a good person just to prove a point to Satan?
Gerald: Oh. Uh, I don't know.
Kyle: Then I was right. Job has all his children killed, and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies. There isn't a God.

(playing with a Jennifer Lopez doll)
Stan: There you are, Jennifer Lopez! You've been most uncooperative, Ms. Lopez.
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) No, please! I promise I'll never make another album or movie!
Stan: It's too late for that, Ms. Lopez.
Kyle: (voicing Jennifer Lopez) Have mercy!

Stan: Dude can you loan me 20 bucks for a new jacket?
Cartman: Ha! If you need money you can get a job Stan. No freeloaders are gonna take my hard earned cash.
Kyle: Your grandma left it to you, you didn't earn it!
Cartman: Didn't earn it? What about all those years I spent making grandma like me? All the wet spit filled kisses I put up with. The constant smell of asprin and pee. Don't tell me I didn't earn it you son of a bitch!

(to God) Why? How could you do this? There are people starving in Alabama and, and you give Cartman a million dollars?

Kyle: But we promised the Earth Day people you'd perform!
Terrance: Well in that case, I'd say you four boys are up fart-creek without a paddle.

Kyle: Dude, Terrance got really fat.
Stan: Yea, he looks terrible.

Kyle: Hey! Look at that line! It's way shorter.
Stan: I don't think we're female groupies or random sluts.
Cartman: Kenny's a random slut.

Cartman: Don't be jealous guys! This doesn't mean we can't still hang out. It just means I've matured faster than you. You'll get your pubes guys, someday.
Kyle: Cartman you don't buy pubes, you grow them yourself!
Cartman: What?!

South Park Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman


Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Gosh we love that chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
clapping sound
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Got a little left, chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham,
Step to the left and clap your hands.
Gosh we love that chicken and ham.
Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.

<i>Full lyrics to the song Terrance and Phillip sing, as used on the closing credits