The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSLeonard Hofstadter Quotes
Raj: Wool pants in the desert. I feel like I've got poached testicles.
Leonard: Oh, you poor thing, you're sweating. That is so much worse than having your car stolen.
Raj: Your insurance is going to buy you a new car. It's not gonna de-funk my junk.
Leonard: Come on, let's just start walking. There's got to be a gas station or something nearby.
Sheldon: What, you think just because you are wearing a captain's uniform, you're in charge?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Alright.
Penny: Damn. You have more make-up than I do. You've got better make-up than I do. Yep, I'm borrowing ing this.
Leonard: Hey, hey, hey. This is my comic con make-up. I love you, but there are some things a man doesn't share with his girlfriend.
Penny: Molecules.
Leonard: Okay. come with me.
Penny: Where are we going?
Leonard: To my bedroom. So, I can take everything off but those glasses. And, maybe the boots.
Leonard: I wasn't screwing around with anyone.
Raj: Of course not. She was just sniffing around your goods because she was hunting for truffles.
Leonard: Can I tell you a secret?
Penny: What's that?
Leonard: All these women chasing me, I kinda do feel like Captain Kirk.
Penny: Can I tell you a secret?
Leonard: Sure.
Penny: Keep talking about Captain Kirk and we're all going to stop.
Leonard: Message ... received.
Leonard: It's nice to have a young, attractive woman sniffing around the goods.
Raj: I both hate you and want to be you. It's Ryan Gosling all over again.
Okay, so Wolowitz and Stuart are paralyzed, Santa's dead, and I picked this over sex with my girlfriend.
Leonard: I grew up in a house full of crazy academics. Instead of leaving Santa milk and cookies, we had to leave him a research paper. And, in the morning you could tell he'd been there because that paper would be graded.
Sheldon: No wonder you love Christmas. That sounds amazing.
Penny: Is having a real-life girlfriend that has sex with you getting in the way of your board games.
Leonard: A little bit, yeah.
Penny: You are so butch.
Leonard: Oh, I got a little paper cut.
Penny: Of course you did, your hands are softer than veal.
Sheldon: Is anyone else troubled by the Spider-Man theme song?
Leonard: Why would it trouble you? It's like your third favorite cartoon theme song.
Sheldon: It is, right behind [Sheldon sings "Inspector Gadget" and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" theme songs]
Sheldon: However, the Spider-Man lyrics posit that Spider-Man's Spider-Man does whatever a spider can.
Howard: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: I can think of many things that Spider-Man can't do that a spider can. One crawl in your ear and die, two legally leave Guatemala without a passport, and three have sex with a spider.
