The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSLeonard Hofstadter Quotes
Sheldon: I'll give you a plan right now. Step one: open comic book store.
Step two: start rumor this comic book store gives you genital warts.
Step three: buy a big bag to put the money in.
Leonard: It's not that bad.
Leonard: What? You're afraid of both dinosaurs and chickens.
Sheldon: Yes, but tell me a dinosaur chicken salad sandwich wouldn't hit the Mesozoic spot.
Sheldon: I recently read that during World War Two, Joseph Stalin had a research program to create supersoldiers by having women impregnated by gorillas.
Howard: What a sick use of science.
Raj: Hey, as long as the baby's healthy.
Amy: I wonder if Stalin considered any other animals.
Leonard: Hippos are the deadliest creature. A half-human, half-hippo soldier would be pretty badass.
Howard: Yes, but when they're hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles.
Sheldon: Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn't be attacked.
Penny: Hi. Want to do yoga with me?
Leonard: Um, let me just have some coffee first, and then I'll have the strength to tell you how much I won't be doing that.
Leonard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Yes?
Leonard: I'm gonna miss you.
Sheldon: Of course you are.
Leonard: He just made that easier.
Leonard: So a few things don't go your way and your best decision is to ride the rails like a hobo?
Sheldon: I suppose it is. Except I have a credit card. And I refuse to carry my laptop at the end of a stick. And I'd sooner die than eat beans out of a can.
Leonard: I know his password, so I can track his phone.
Penny: You do that?
Leonard: Not always, but ever since he wandered off at the swap meet chasing a balloon, I get worried.
Penny: He can take care of himself. Look, we went over stranger danger and gave him that whistle.
Sheldon: Move across the hall?! Did you take a marijuana?!
Leonard: No, I did not.
Sheldon: Did you get hit on the head with a coconut?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then, I'm all out of guesses.
Sheldon: She's spent many nights here, and you're worried about preserving the myth of her virginity before the wedding.
Leonard: I'm not.
Sheldon: Good, because not only has that ship sailed, if it hit an iceberg, countless men would perish.
Leonard's Mom: Leonard, would it make you feel better to hear that your mother approved of your life choices?
Leonard: Yes, it would.
Leonard's Mom: Yeah. Well, you should work on that.
Leonard: Penny and I have some big news.
Penny: We're engaged!
Raj: And I thought me having sex with Emily was gonna be the big news.
Penny: Where did you get a ring?
Leonard: I've... had it for a couple years, not important. Penny... will you marry me?
Penny: Oh, my God, yes.
Leonard: This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have monkey hair on your finger.
