Lester Patel Quotes
Lester: Hey! How was the big date?
Big Mike: Gentlemen. It was a night of exquisite passion. I did things with that woman I didn't even know existed, which are likely illegal.
Lester: Yes! So you took our advice?
Big Mike: I lied my ass off.
(Casey and Chuck rush to the back of the store, knocking over a cardboard cutout in their way.)
Lester: Hey that's my Tyler Martin display! He is a hero of mine, John--
(Casey shoves Lester into the refrigerator he's showing a customer)
Chuck: Sorry Lester, emergency!
Lester: (muffled) 'Tsalright.
(Chuck slams the door)
Lester: How much do you think a toe is worth to Casey?
Jeff: Why?
Lester: Maybe there's a finder's fee.
Ned: Chuck, you've been a good friend to me, so I'm gonna return the favor, I'm gonna let your girlfriend go.
Chuck: No.
Ellie: Chuck.
Jeff: Ouch!
Lester: Yikes, you get cold Christmases at the Bartowski's.
Buy More Employee: Oh no, he didn't.
Chuck: (to Morgan about a Nerd Herd car) I need a Nerd Herd.
Lester: No. Emmett found Jeff's underwear on the back seat and he's having them all re-upholstered as a safety precaution.
Devon: Hey Lester, have you seen Chuck?
Lester: Maybe.
Devon: So is he around?
Lester: Could be.
Devon: Can you find him for me?
Lester: Yeah, sure, I could, but wouldn't it be more fulfilling for you if you did it yourself? Yeah. Look, I'm so sorry, it's this stupid store contest. I can help you but do me a solid and do not mention it on this card. Yes? Thank you buddy.
Morgan: Alright, just to be absolutely clear, our position on "Employee of the Month" is that we don't care. Are you guys with me?
Jeff: Yep. Not caring. Not a rat's ass.
Lester: Not a fat and/or hairy one.
Jeff: Wait, why don't we care again?
Morgan: Because "Employee of the Month" is a scam and working hard is for suckers.
(Morgan is trapped in the Buy More Door)
Morgan: Jeff, open the door, buddy.
Lester: Open the door.
Jeff: Got it.
(The outer door opens)
Morgan: Okay. Nice, Jeff. Now can you open the door that is currently chopping me in half?
Morgan: Are you guys ready?
Lester: I was born ready.
Jeff: I was born premature.
Captain Awesome: Okay, so how did everyone come with their chest compression?
(Captain Awesome walks into the room and sees Buy More employees beating up their aquatic dolls.)
Captain Awesome: Come on guys, what's wrong with you?
Jeff: I drink too much.
Lester: My parents had impossible standards.
I'm too young, upwardly mobile, and handsome to die.
Lester [to Morgan about Hannah]: How'd it go last night?
Jeff: You take her to pound town?
Lester: I'm gonna need an address on that.
