Lester Patel Quotes
I've tried to help you over the years, Jefferson. I've drowned myself trying to help you. But you're a moron. In the end that's what you are. You're a Buy More-on.
Chuck: (To Morgan about Anna) If you don't stop testing her, she's gonna choose to be with someone else. And then you will have realized, and unfortunately too late, that you lost the catch of a lifetime.
Lester: Counter point. She's not the catch of a lifetime. She's a scheming tart who will harvest your organs and sell them to the highest bidder.
Jeff: Morgan Grimes is so tired of listening to Big Mike punch his momma's time clock, that he actually showed up for work on time today.
Lester: Okay, okay, well Morgan Grimes is so disturbed by what Big Mike is doing to his momma, that the thought of Jeff doing the same thing to Anna is actually sweet, sweet relief.
Jeff: Oh snap.
Morgan: That's good. Laugh it up, fuzzballs.
Lester: Morgan. All you have to do is convince Anna that moving in with you is a bad idea.
Morgan: Okay, but how am I gonna...
Lester: Shhh, bubeleh, you've come to the right place. Repulsion is our business.
Jeff: And business is good.
Phase one of "Operation Repulsion". The obscure and disturbing hobby.
Lester: (About Anna) My God, could she really be...unrepulsable?
Morgan: I'm beginning to think so.
Jeff: No, sir. Not on my watch.
Morgan: What are you suggesting?
Jeff: You're going to need a quart of peanut oil, some bubble wrap and as much yarn as you can find.
(Morgan discussing the misunderstanding with Anna)
Lester: Oh buddy, you are screwed.
Morgan: No, actually I think if I tell her the truth at this point that'll end the sexual component of our relationship.
Jeff: And I'll be there to pick up the pieces.
(The Buy More gang are spying on Anna)
Chuck: Would you just stop and think about what you're doing for a second.
Morgan: Chuck, I know exactly what I'm doing, brother, I'm getting answers, man.
Chuck: Yeah, but...but there are other ways of doing that.
Lester: Yeah, no absolutely. We tried cloning Anna's cell but she's got a CDMA carrier, so we couldn't copy the SIM card.
Chuck: Wait a minute. You guys have a band?
Jeff: Jeff.
Lester: Lester.
Jeff and Lester: (together) Jeffster!
Chuck: That seems very fitting.
Jeff: Originally, we were going to go with the name Jester, but we didn't want people to associate us with a couple of fools.
Jeff: This is what we've always wanted for Jeffster; we started a small venue like this, pretty soon where playing the big time.
Lester: Yeah, sure we're gonna blow their minds but uh...where's all this lead? Stadium, groupies, drugs, creative differences and then what? Jeffster breaks up, that's you and me, Jeff, and then what's my fate? Some chamber maid finds me in a hotel having accidentally asphyxiated making love to myself? It's just not worth it.
Morgan: (to Lester and Jeff) Gentlemen, I think that I speak for all of us when I say that the only reason that I took this job at the Buy More was to do as little work as humanly possible. The big man, he made that dream a reality.
Lester: That man's an inspiration to slackers everywhere.
Morgan: Listen to me, everybody is taller and thinner online.
Lester: It's called the "Internet Hotness Conversation Factor".
