Lester Patel Quotes
Jeff [about Casey]: He's a monster.
Lester: Like Jeff, only undulled by drink or drug and he's more dangerous for it.
Lester: How do we know we can trust you, son that you're not some kind of spy for the man?
Casey: Because the only thing I hate more than hippie and neo-liberal fascists and anarchists are the hypocrite fat cat suits they eventually grow up to become.
Lester: Yeah, that works for me.
Jeffery, if you double dip we all may die.
Lester: Morgan! You got to break Morgan. Chuck tells him everything.
Jeff: His beard holds so many secrets.
Jeff: You wanna see something really freaky? (They break into Casey's locker) Dude keeps a Chuck diary.
Lester: Bathroom visits. And duration.
Jeff: Keys, duct tape, high-grade chloroform.
Devon: Whoa.
Jeff: From one stalker to another, I'm impressed.
Devon: You guys think this has something to do with Chuck missing?
Lester: I don't care.
Jeff: No clue. You mind if I, uh, get right? (He takes a hit of chloroform and passes out)
Jeff: (as Morgan walks in) I smell bacon. Anyone else smell pig?
Lester: I seem to detect the odor of the forbidden meat.
Morgan: Okay, knock it off. Listen to me, guys; we need to apologize to Emmett for blowing the power. Otherwise he is going to can you.
Jeff: Nice try. Get us to apologize so we look like asses, lose all our street cred.
Devon: Hey guys, something weird is going on. Have you seen Chuck? He didn't come home last night, Casey came by, said he was worried about him.
Lester: Casey, yeah, yeah, I'm sure, can't live without his precious Chuck.
Devon: What's that supposed to mean?
Lester: The guy is obsessed with him, a classic perv. (to Jeff) No offense.
Lester: I mean, people, do you have any idea what working with fried food would do to my complexion?
Jeff: I can't leave the Buy More. I won't survive in the real world. I'm institutionalized.
Lester: Good morning, Big Michael!
Big Mike: Where the hell did you come from?
Jeff: We have a proposition for you.
Big Mike: I'll pass, excuse me...
Lester: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Two words. NextExpo.
Jeff: That's one word.
Lester: Stop counting.
(The Buy more gang tries to kidnap Chuck in ninja suits, when Casey stops it and orders them to take the masks off and un-tie Chuck)
Lester: Man up, Charles.
Chuck: Why would you do this to me?
Morgan: I'm sorry man, it was a practice run for when we kidnap Awesome for his bachelor party.
Chuck: You guys aren't even invited.
Lester: What finer way to be invited than to kidnap the guest of honor.
Jeff: A bachelor party is a mythical place where booze and women are free...it's Xanadu.
(Morgan's phone rings)
Morgan: One sec you guys, It's Chuck again.
Lester: No, don't answer it, he's after my computer.
Morgan: I know, but he's called twice. He never does that, it could be an emergency. Why he'd call me I have no idea.
Lester: No, Morgan, no.
(Chuck, Lester and Jeff are looking at the Buy More interior which is covered in toilet paper)
Chuck: What? When did this happen?
Lester: During the night. Look on the bright side. Don't have to buy TP for, like, years.
Jeff: Why start now?
