Linda Zwordling Quotes
Linda: I don't know why I drink. I always either get laid or fired.
Lem: I have to start drinking. I like those odds
Veronica: Don't be silly. Let's talk. Would you like some wine?
Linda: I would like a whole bunch of wine, yes
Linda: I just made three new friends. Maybe I was wrong about the cubicle themes. For the first time since I've been here, I actually feel like I'm part of something.
Ted: Glad to hear it. I have to go to a strip club tomorrow with a bunch of old men.
Linda: Wow. What theme did the company give you?
We're not here because the company needs us. We're here because we need you. You bring out the best in each of us. You take a bunch of barely functional, socially awkward semi-creepy scientists, and one beautifully normal product tester, and make us a team
Linda: Listen to my tone and not my words. We can't just stand here and let them take Ted away from us. He is the shiniest employee we have.
Lem: Did you just say "shiniest"?
Linda: Again, listen to my tone and not my words. We have to do something.
Phil: Linda's tone is right. We can't function without Ted
Linda: I can't believe the company is treating you like this. Doesn't it make you want to scream or put your fist through a wall or rub your junk on the CEO's chair?
Ted: Yes, yes, and I only use my junk for good, not evil. With great junk comes great responsibility
Dr. Bhamba: And why do you get to be in charge? As I recall, you were the only one who ran from the octo-chicken.
Linda: Well, it freaked me out when it came down from its web.
Dr. Bhamba: You're weak and have no leadership qualities.
Linda: I can lead. Maybe you're just a crappy follower, did you ever think of that?
Veronica: Linda, you're in charge of the lab. I leave it all to you.
Linda: Me?
Veronica: I don't like it down there. it's chilly, the people are odd, and it smells like science.
Linda: Well, I'm not a huge fan of that place either. Last time I was down there, i got chased by some weird eight-legged bird.
Veronica: Ah, the octo-chicken. We had such hopes for that
Linda: You love rules. You should marry a rule and have little rule children, then build a house made of rules.
Ted: You mean a house made of my own children?
Linda: That's between you and your conscience
Don't bother with HR. I can fake any ID with a razor blade and wite-out. Trust me, I've been 21 since I was 15
Linda: No, I can't be a chicken lady. I have so much I want to do in my life. I want to get married and have children and glue feathers to my back to mess with idiot scientists who are careless with experimental drugs.
Phil: You can still do all those things! Oh, wait
Ted: You stole a baby?
Linda: Only for a few seconds. Turns out, just because you write your name on something doesn't mean you get to keep it.
Ted: Yeah, I think babies have to be notarized
