The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXLisa Simpson Quotes
Apu: Lisa, how do you like sharing a bathroom with two brothers?
Lisa: Two brothers? Bart, who is this kid?
Bart: He's an orphan, he's like Annie except he's a dude and he hates tomorrow.
Charlie: I hate it so much.
Bart: Oh my god, I want a brother.
Lisa: You can have mine, but he's kind of an idiot.
Homer: See, Lisa, looks like tomorrow I'll be shoveling ten feet of global warming.
Lisa: Global warming can cause weather at both extremes, hot and cold.
Homer: I see, so you're saying warming makes it colder. Well aren't you the queen of crazy land. Everything the's opposite of everything.
Lisa: I am interested in learning more about Wicca. Are you a minority group as defined by Ivy League admissions?
Wiccan: Cornell and Dartmouth.
So now Andy is a TV writer? Loser.
Bart: Dad! Lisa's making me see things from both sides again!
Homer: Lisa, I warned you about that!
Lisa: Shouldn't Bart have all the information he needs to make an informed decision?
Homer: Now you're doing it to me, aww...
Marge: You two are going out? I thought I told you the Flanderers were coming over for dinner.
Lisa: I'm having a tea party at Jamie's.
Bart: And I'm having a stink bomb party at the house next to Jamie's... no connection.
Lisa: Apu, how did you survie?
Apu: Well, as a vegetarian, I did not consume any tainted meat and as a convenience store owner, I am armed to the teeth
This goes against every feminist bone in my body, but dad, can't you control your woman?
Marge: I'm worried about Mrs Krabappel
Bart: No worries, I heard in the old four square court she was doing great
Lisa: No one even plays four square anymore, they just gossip
Lisa: I thought you were studying the Lincoln-Douglas debates?
Bart: You mean the L-man, D-dawg flame wars?
Lisa: There were a lot of holes in your story
Studio Exec: That's the problem when you have 17 writers, but don't worry, we have two fresh ones working on it
[cuts to Maggie and monkey banging at typewriters]
