Jay: He wants more wow. What does that even mean?
Manny: It's the Bieberization of America.

Manny: I wanna be home-schooled.
Gloria: Really Manny? You want me to learn you English?

You'll never go broke playing into a rich guy's ego. Write THAT down.

Manny: Hello Ma'am, do you love Christmas?
Neighbor: Actually I'm Jewish.
Manny: Well then you must appreciate a good value.

Jay, I'm gonna need you to cut me a check.

Do we book our spa appointments through you or?

Yeah, I'm just water-washing my hands.

I have a tennis racquet upstairs I only use as a bubble-bath frothier.

I only used it once, and that was to take a torte out of the oven.

Manny: Hey luke, do you realize in two years we'll both be graduating?
Luke: Not now. I think I'm moving the ball with my mind.
Manny: Well, I'll be graduating.

Luke: I say we eat what we kill.
Manny: Then I guess we'll be eating the mood.

Manny: If I'm sick, I might get the chaperone sick. And without the chaperone, it's anarchy! The buddy system falls apart; the principal of last-in, first-out is ignored.
Jay: It's butterflies.
Manny: Where?

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.

Claire