The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXMarge Simpson Quotes
Evil Spirit: Get out.
Marge: What on earth was that?
Homer: Probably just the house settling.
(Kang and Kodos show off the amenities on their spaceship.)
Kang: And over here is our crowning achievement in amusement technology: an electronic version of what you call table tennis.
(Kang shows off a video screen that features the vintage video game Pong.)
Kang: Your primitive paddles have been replaced by an electronic--
Bart: Hey, that's just Pong. Get with the times, man.
Homer: Marge and I played that old game before we were married.
Kang: Well, we did build this spaceship, you know.
Kodos: Anyone from a species that has mastered intergalactic travel, raise your hand.
(Kang and Kodos each raise a tentacle. Bart raises his hand, but Homer slaps it down.)
Kodos: All right, then.
Marge: Sorry. Your game is very nice.
(Homer convinces the family to stay in the "Bad Dream House.")
Homer: Now, wait a minute, Marge. It's only natural there'd be some things wrong with an old house like this. It's a fixer-upper. What's the problem? We get a bunch of priests in here--
Marge: I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars.
Homer: Don't be so stubborn! We're not talking about a few dollars.
(Homer slowly begins floating to the ceiling.)
Homer: We're talking about a few thousand dollars!
(Homer realizes that he is floating upwards and begins screaming.)
Homer: It's got great high ceilings!
(Homer screams as he suddenly plunges back to the floor.)
Homer: Tell you what. Let's, uh, sleep on it, okay?
(Homer barbeques on the back patio.)
Marge: (Groans) Homer, all these flies.
Homer: Not to worry. I'll just turn on the trusty bug zapper.
(The sound of a few bugs being zapped is then followed by a large zapping noise.)
Homer: Ooh, that was a big mama! (Chuckles)
(Serak the Preparer provides the Simpson family with a bounty of food.)
Marge: Well, thank you very much, Mr.--
Serak the Preparer: To pronounce it correctly, I would have to pull out your tongue.
(In the evil house, Marge catches the rest of the family trying to kill each other with knives.)
Marge: That does it. Children, get dressed. We're leaving.
Homer: Come on, Marge. You said you'd sleep on it.
Marge: I don't care what I said. This family has had its differences and we've squabbled, but we've never had knife fights before, and I blame this house.
I'm not going to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars!
(The Simpson family watches a game show called Grade School Challenge on TV)
Game Show Host: Okay, the capital of North Dakota is named after what German ruler?
Homer: Hitler!
Marge: (Questioning Homer) Hitler, North Dakota?
Patty and Selma: (In unison) Bismarck.
Girl Contestant: Bismarck!
Bart: (To Homer) Hitler?
Homer: Hey, I'm still beating you, boy.
Game Show Host: Okay, the colors of the Italian flag are red, white, and what?
Bart: Blue!
Homer: Yellow!
Bart: Orange!
Selma: Green.
Bart: Red!
Patty: Green.
Bart: Purple!
Homer: Red! White! Black! Green!
Girl Contestant: Green.
Homer: I was right! (Claps)
(Marge discusses Homer's new hair with Patty and Selma.)
Marge: He's much happier at work and--Well, just between us girls, he hasn't been this frisky in years!
Patty: Mmm.
Selma: I don't wanna think about it.
Marge: Homer! We're going to Vancouver!
Homer: Pack your winter coat, we're going to Canada's warmest city.
Agnes: Where did you learn to sweep like that?
Marge: I've been training all my life. I once swept red wine off a white carpet.
Marge: Ice skating, a sport that encourages hand holding.
Homer: Would you like to wear mittens or go commando?
