Michael Scott Quotes
Now, I can't pay for your college. But you don't have to go to class, to be in class. Online classes are a viable option to a traditional college experience. And the best way to access those courses is with your own personal laptop. Which is rendered useless, without batteries! And I have one for each of you. Hold on! Hold on! Hold on! Hold on. They're lithium!
Wow, uh... I am never going to forget today. Not a chance. I don't think I could ever give back to you what you have given me today. Who here has done something stupid in their lives? Like skipped out on study hall or mix up the difference between A gym and B gym, that sort of thing. Show of hands, anybody? Yes! A bunch of you. Well me too, I have done something stupid. Which I would like to share. Uh...
Michael: I came here today because I promised you tuition. And tuition is very valuable. But, you know what's invaluable? Is intuition. You know what that is? That is the ability to know when something is about to happen. Does anybody out there have intution? And know what's going to happen, next? Nobody? Ok. You're gonna make me say it. Alright. I am so proud of all of you. Derrick, and Lefevre. And, and Ben and Ianna and Mikyla. And Nikki and Jason and... Sorry I'm sort of spacing on your name...
Zyan: I'm Zyan. I'm Mikyla's younger brother.
Michael: Well Zyan I am not going to be paying for your tuition. Which brings me to my main point. And that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody's tuition. I'm so sorry.
I just ... I fell in love with these kids. And I didn't want to see them fall victim to the system. So I made 'em a promise. I told them if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I have made some empty promises in my life but, hands down that was the most generous.
A town car is something a company sends when they are in trouble. A limo is something they send when there is cause for celebration. In this case I believe they are celebrating ... me.
Alan Grant, the CEO, of the company, if title's important to you, has personally invited moi, to go to New York, to the shareholders meeting. And sit up on the stage with the board of directors and at some point they are going to introduce me as... the most successful branch manager that have had. And then Michael Scott turns and waves to the crowd. And the crowd goes wild.
I am not going to "do" the "twirl," alright? It's not even a twirl, it's a spin. [pauses] I might do the spin.
Pam: Don't do the twirl.
Phyllis: Lose the twril.
Dwight: Twirl sucks!
Kevin: Michael, I hated the twirl.
Andy: Hate the twirl!
Michael: Okay, obviously I'm not going to do the twirl. I only did it because I nailed the wave.
Phyllis: Yeah, good. Don't do it.
Dwight: What kind of mileage does this baby get?
Erin: It's like what high school kids take to prom on TV shows.
Oscar: So typical of management to spend money on this. Ugh, what a bunch of boobs.
Michael: Hate to break it to you Oscar, but some of us like boobs.
Dwight: Calves. Calves all the way.
Michael: Alright. Well, I know a guy. This Mexican guy, he's a math wiz. He knows economics as well as he knows bullfighting and I am going to call in a little favor.
David: No-no-no-no, don't call anybody, Michael.
Michael: Well I'm texting him, so.
David: Please do not text anybody now, Michael.
Michael: Well. That was a waste of a text. Let's get down to brass tacks. I think that we might be in trouble. We don't seem to have a plan, so I'm thinking I go down there maybe rattle off a few jokes. The Congressman could follow?
Alan: He's our best manager? Where's the off button on this moron?
Michael: Uhh. I'm not a moron. Time after time, my branch, leads in sales. I have personally won over 17 Dundie awards so I am not a moron. And, I'm just trying to help, you know? So... you're the moron.
Alright. We are gonna ... we are gonna go out there, during this break, and we are gonna come back with a plan. We're gonna come back with a plan for you. It's a 45-day plan. 45 days! To get us back, on track. 45 points! It's a 45-day, 45-point, one point per day. We get 45 points, we're back in business! [cheers] And you can take that to the bank! And limo lady! We are going completely carbon-neutral! [more cheers] I love you New York! You! You!
