Michael Scott Quotes
Jim: You can't yell out "I need this, I need this" as you pin down an employee on your lap.
Michael: Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!
Jim: Yup.
Michael: Do you understand you forced my hand.
Michael: Ryan come here!
Ryan: Whoa, whoa.
Michael: Come on, come on.
Ryan: I'm doing something over here.
Michael: Ahhh... Ho ho ho! Come on I need this. Come over here!
Ryan: What are you talking about?
Michael: Just sit down!
Ryan: No no no.
Michael: What would you like for Christmas little boy?
Kevin: I don't know. I didn't know you were gonna ask me that.
Michael: What did you think was going to happen?
Kevin: I didn't know. Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before.
Michael: All right, just say "some toys" please.
Kevin: Can you give me some choices? Cause I really don't want to mess up on this list.
Michael: Damn it Kevin, come on.
Kevin: What about if I tell you the things I DON'T want?
Michael: Okay get off, get off! Oh! Oh, God!
Kevin: I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted!
Michael: Okay you know what you get? A thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn't have to go through this again.
Kevin: Awesome.
Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only ... pretending to be a man, I'm the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! [awkward silence] No it's not, not like penis-wise.
If this were Russia, yeah sure. Everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block and once you sat on her lap and she'd ask you what you wanted, you would say probably "freedom." At which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.
Michael: It's insane! A woman Santa, where does it stop? No! Jim, this may be the last Christmas that we have here, doesn't it make you a tiny bit anxious, me NOT playing Santa? Come on!
Jim: I'm not gonna go tell Phyllis that she can't be Santa.
Michael: Fine! Then do it anonymously. Ransom note style. You can ... I ... you know what, I have a bunch of letters cut out of magazines in my desk. You can use those.
Michael: Heeeeeere's Santa! Hey little girl, what would you like for Christmas? Ooh, you have been a very naughty girl, I see.
Pam: Michael, we already have a Santa, Phyllis.
Michael: What the hell is going on?
Jim: Hey. What's up?
Michael: What if I told you I had done the worst thing ever. Would you still wanna be my friend?
Jim: Did you murder someone?
Erin: Oh my God.
Michael: Lurk much? [she leaves] I miss Pam.
I'm not a bad news person, I bring good news! Like when I promised those kids I'd pay for college!
Dwight: Heyy! Jimmy, what's up?
Jim: Not much.
Dwight: Cool! Very cool. I bet if you tried, you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office!
Jim: Thanks Dwight.
Dwight: That laugh is so infectious!
Michael: Creepin' me out. I'm gonna go.
Dwight: I didn't mean any of those things I just said.
Michael: What do you want from this job, provided the company doesn't go out of business.
Erin: I've always wondered what it might be to be an accountant.
Michael: Really.
Erin: Yes, but I'm terrible at math. So.
Michael: You know when I hired Kevin, he was actually applying for a job in the warehouse.
Erin: Seriously?
Michael: Yeah. I just sort of had a feeling about him. I have a feeling about you too.
Michael: How about this. If you can find a way to pay for your tuition, let me buy your books. Ok?
Student: They're expensive.
Michael: Yeah, well. I owe you that, at least, right?
Student: It's about a thousand dollars.
Michael: Really. Wow. That's... over two hundred dollars a year.
Student: No. A thousand each year.
