Michael Scott Quotes
Andy: I'm so jealous right now.
Michael: Hey, you know who you shouldn't be jealous of. Yourself. Because you're invited, and you're invited, and you're invited, and you, you and you and you, and you--
Limo driver: Car seats eight.
Michael: What?
Limo driver: The car seats eight.
Michael: The limo seats eight.
Michael: Okay. Then Jim and Pam. And Ryan plus a guest.
Jim and Pam: No thanks.
Ryan: I'll use it when you're done.
Michael: I wish the windows weren't tinted so people could see us in here.
Andy: Hey you guys do you think anyone might have had sex in here?
Dwight: Definitely, definitely! Smells like it!
Andy: Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting? Are you just going to wave or what-
Michael: I will have to answer!
Dwight: I'll ask you a question!
Andy: Make it a softball. Something he can, like, crank out of the park.
Dwight: "Michael Scott, you run the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin. How do you do it?"
Michael: No! No! That's too hard. Say! "Your name is Zamboni." And then I will say, "Well! We're sort of on thin ice."
Andy: Heyyy-yo!!!!
That is what it is all about. Not the perks. The perks, I could take or leave the perks. But, limos, are for people who make the company money, not lose millions and have no plan. So we're leaving early.
[in accent] There has been a lot of murder and a lot of intrigue. My poor little heart can barely take it no more. [regular voice] Today is the hardest I have worked in a long, long time.
Jim: I'm just gonna skip the what and go right to why.
Michael: Because this is the recreation of a crime scene!
Meredith: I'm the dead body and these are my brain chunks.
Dwight: Shut up, you're dead.
Michael. Well, well, well, what is this contraption, I do declare?!
Oscar: It's my Blackberry, Michael. I'm trying to get updates on the company.
Michael: Who's Michael? I'm Caleb Crawdad, I do declare!
Ryan: You don't have to keep saying 'I do declare.' Every time you say something, it means you're declaring it.
Michael: Tube city. You owe me one.
Jim: [interview] Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles I picked was Michael's idea of running plastic tubes all over the office with hamsters inside of them. He called it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one.
Jim: Okay, we need to do something. People are freaking out wondering what's going to happen.
Michael: You're right. They need something. A distraction. Anything new on YouTube? Doesn't have to be good.
Kevin: Michael, did you just throw up in here?
Michael: Nah. Just poopin'. You know how I be.
Kevin: It smells like throw-up in here.
Michael: Crazy world. Lot of smells.
Dwight: [reading email] I'm sure you've seen the item in the Journal. I just want to stress that it's all conjecture, if we have any concrete information, you will know ASAP.
Michael: Erin, do we have the journal?
Erin: Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule.
Michael: Did you?
Pam: He means the Wall Street Journal, online.
Michael. Oh, the Wall.
Dwight: Michael, what is the meaning of this email that everyone got?
Michael: You'll have to be more specific, Dwight. I get like eight emails today.
