Mitchell: What're you doing?
Pam: I'm making one of your fruit smoothies.
Mitchell: Uh Pam...
Pam: Fine, I'm making one of your homosexual smoothies.

Cam: The doctor says absolutely no sun while I'm on these antibiotics.
Mitchell: What would happen? Because if it's anything short of death, I think you should risk it.

Mitchell: I ran into this guy who runs the bait shop.
Jay: Is that a gay bar?

Mitchell: I ran into this guy who runs the bait shop.
Jay: Is that a gay bar?

Mitchell: The family has been mocking us relentlessly all year.
Cam: Nicknames like Screeches and Herb, Simon and God-awful, Nickelback.

Cam: Well, technically this is your fault because we were afraid our marriage was getting as boring as yours.
Mitchell: Though based on your outfit, we need to work a little harder.

Mitchell: How about a show to go with it?
Cam: Mitchell?
Mitchell: Who's Mitchell? I'm Magic Mitch. Welder by day, stripper by choice.

We should be careful, this market might be a trick to get a whole bunch of white people together in one spot.

Claire: You know Luke has failed that driver's test twice now right?
Mitchell: My options today are frat house, duck village, or car crash. I'm feeling very comfortable with my decision.

We have been renting the upstairs unit to some frat boys from Cam's old college. They're here for some big game and to try to get on the Price is Right. Unfortunately for me it's brought out Cam's bromosexual side.

Mitchell: That was a take-out menu.
Earl: I don't want that man to know where I eat.

Everyone has their strengths. I'm a great gift-giver.

Modern Family Quotes

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Stephen Hawking could ride that bike.