It is really nice to be liked for who you really are pretending to be.

Claire: What party?
Mitchell: Aw the two saddest words in the English language.

Looks like someone has an issue with anger franagment!

Claire: Well hello! How is your first day back in the closet...business?
Mitchell: That makes no sense, I've never worked here before.
Claire: It's just a gay joke Mitchell. Don't over-think it.

Mitchell: Wow remember when you dropped me off at summer camp? You barely slowed down the car.
Jay: You never had a condition that made it difficult to breathe.
Mitchell: I was a closeted gay kid at sports camp. I spent the week in mid-faint.

Coming up with a lie like that in the moment? That girl is no clown, she's gonna be a lawyer.

Cam: I present to you the Asian for any occassion, the clown that will invert that frown, the dynamic duo of Fizbo and...
Lily: Lizbo!
Mitchell: Are you not hearing that?
Cam: We're working on the name.

What have I said about sneaking up on me? I could've been shaving. This could've been a Sweeney Todd moment.

Usually when everything's normal, people don't respond in perfectly rehearsed unison.

Claire: We are having fun.
Mitchell: You are. I'm just doing what you're making me do.

"To our best friend." That's a little sarcastic. It's her birthday, eh.

Oh my God, stop. We're gancient!

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.

Claire