Favorite Ned Quotes
Ned: Emerson needs me.
Chuck: Why? There's no dead body to wake up.
Emerson: Nice. Anyone not hear that.
Chuck: Which birthday should I celebrate? I have two now...
Ned: Whichever is easier to explain.
Louis Schatz is a big fat liar. And I say fat in reference to his size as a liar, not as a judgment of his physical appearance.
(to Lawrence Schatz, about being the reason he died) I'm sorry for what I did. It was mostly on accident, but partially on purpose. However inadvertent, I'm sorry I did it. That's all.
Emerson: I need to chat with Lawrence Schatz before he goes into the ground. Tomorrow.
Ned: I'm not going back to that funeral home. It's returning to the scene of a crime, that's just sloppy.
Ned: Can you help us get out of these body bags?
Olive: Sure.
What's great about knowing? When you lift up a rock, do you find whipped cream? No, you find bugs. I say "no" to knowing.
Ned: I can't catch her, Emerson.
Emerson: Can't suck on her toes, neither. Some women like that.
No, actually I want to talk about this. I could let it go, but like the cat, it will come back, which I wouldn't call annoying but, there's no really great way of saying half-annoying, which it is a little bit.
Ned: You know what our problem is?
Chuck: If you're referring to the touching thing, I see it as more of an obstacle than a problem.
Ned: It's a pretty big obstacle.
Chuck: Not compared to our others problems.
Ned: We've got other problems?
Emerson: I'm going to kill myself.
Ned and I have been together for a very long time. We’re intimate. But it’s the appropriate human-canine sort of intim
Ned: I had a sexy dream about Olive last night and I'm sure it was influenced by a reality-based kiss. By the road. You know...
Emerson: There is no way for this conversation to be anything but awkward for me.
