Lana: This isn't the Sheriff's department where you get wear a windbreak and go on a ride-along. This is highly classified cover ops.
Rona: Yes! Covert ops! This is exactly the kind of spy lingo I want to soak up.
Pam: What part of highly classified do you not understand?
Rona: All of it!

Pam: It could take hours for this to bypass the electronic lock.
Archer: Then I should definitely get my turtleneck.

Pam: How's the elevator supposed to work with a gillion pounds of computers on it?!
Cheryl: Who am I, Elisha Otis?

Cyril: Maybe I could kill that pesky old worm?
Pam: How you gonna do that? Disappoint it to death?

Pam: The identity of every single ISIS field agent is on there!
Archer: So what?
Malory: Because most secret agents don't tell every harlot from here to Hanoi that they ARE secret agents.
Archer: Then why be one?

Archer: Pam, wait up! Get me drunk enough and i might have sex with you
Pam: Really?
Archer: No. It's a catch-22. The amount of alcohol I would need would literally kill me. But I do want to see how many pool balls you can stick in your mouth.
Pam: My record's three.

Pam: Can you explain compounding interest to Cheryl?
Cyril: Maybe if we had an infinite amount of time and she was some one else

Krieger: Pam, if you're dumping stuff on the street, you can also dump these.
Pam: What is it?
Krieger: Shattered dreams.
Cheryl: Smells like rotten meat.
Krieger: Also, yes.

The mochachino ones are the cutest. And I guess he'd be half gay too. Can you say, "best dancer ever!?"

Archer: Why do we have so many damn dolls in here?
Pam: For sexual harassment complaints so people can non-verbally indicate where stuff happened on their bodies.
Archer: That takes like one doll.
Pam: Not if there's ever a gang rape. (fingers crossed)

Cheryl: Why don't you go back to Jamaica?
Pam: A) Because I got deported.

(Lana's voice is heard on Intercom)
Lana: Hi, if any of you men want to have sex with me (Cyril gasps) Come to my office and take a number.
(A large crowd of men appear before Lana's office. With Pam shoving her way thru.)
Pam: You heard the lady! (holds up piece of paper with number one on it) Take a number!!

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?