Perry Cox Quotes
Janitor: You know, I don't really appreciate you messing with my lady.
Dr. Cox: Your lady?
Janitor: Blonde Doctor and I are going to end up together. I'm talking the whole shebang. House in the 'burbs, Volvo in the driveway, dogfighting ring in the basement.
Dr. Cox: I guess it wouldn't be the first time the janitor got the girl. Oh, wait a minute... Yes it would.
Janitor: You want to place a wager?
Dr. Cox: I do. But here I really have no need for a cracked thermos and two pounds of keys.
I'm on a break here, Newbie. Just tell your shiny headed roommate if he doesn't shut up his first surgery tomorrow will be removing that cell phone from his own ass.
Dr. Cox
Well if it isn't Marginally Attractive and the Beast.
Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Unlike you, Bobbo, Gandhi here is in a healthy relationship. I mean, come on, lookit. Even Jordan lets me keep in touch with women from my past. Give me a pound, my dawg.
Turk: He gets me.
Dr. Cox: Give me a pound, dawg.
Dr. Kelso: Does he know you were being sarcastic?
Dr. Cox: I hope not.
Dr. Kelso: Splendid.
Ron: So look at you, Mr. Big Time Doctor!
Dr. Cox: How about you, Mr. Big Time...I don't actually know what you do.
Ron: Man, I've told you a hundred times: I run mergers and acquisitions for a large private equity hedge fund... You've forgotten already, haven't you?
Dr. Cox: No, no. You do hedge clippings for a big farm.
Ron: Wha?
Dr. Cox: You privately acquire hedgehogs... Oh, come on, you got a hog farm. Gimme a break.
Dr. Cox: Tell me this, how's that super sexy mother of yours? She annihilates me!
Ron: You know what, your crush on my mom was cute when we were fourteen, but the woman's 85 now. You need to back off. Or we can ask her out to dinner. I'll have her pop in her "going out" teeth and you two can see if there's any real spark.
Dr. Cox: Look, why don't you bring Nathan over to our place tonight? The kids can play, and we can forget all about this competition crap.
Ron: I'd like that.
Dr. Cox: So would I... Jack is going to kick Nathan's ass at playing!
Jordan: You know, this whole competition thing that you have happening with your high school buddy, it is very, very boring. You know, like you were the homecoming king, he was the prom king. You went to medical school, he went to business school. You got divorced, he got divorced.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, but he never has to see his wife anymore, so technically he's got me beat on that one.
Dr. Cox: Guys, guys, guys. You've all been working here for two years. Now why do I have to keep teaching you the same stuff? I want to see you apply light pressure, small circles.
Lonnie: Can we take a break? The sun is scorching, and I'm very fair-skinned.
Dr. Cox: You've only been out here for eight minutes.
Dr. Cox: Ron's kid doesn't make eye contact, he barely speaks, and he freaked out when you tried to cuddle him. I mean, hell, if he was an adult, he'd be, well...you know...me. But those behaviors in a child could point towards Autism. I think it's pretty obvious what we have to do.
Jordan: Grit our teeth, get through the weekend, never speak to Ron again?
Dr. Cox: Exactly.
Dr. Cox: All right, Jack, listen to me. Ron's in the bathroom diapering his kid. When he gets out, it's playtime. And, son, lately your coloring's been sloppy and your Elmo song - well, unfortunately, it's lacked heart. Now you and I, we both know that your super-secret go-to toy are your building blocks. Well, it's time to shine, Jackie Cox. It is time to shine. Earn daddy's love on three. One, two, three - earn daddy's love!
Ron: 27-second diaper change.
Dr. Cox: I can change a diaper in twenty seconds.
Jordan: Oh, my God!
Dr. Cox: Look, I am not going to let this weekend become about who's a bigger man. Ron's bringing his kid - I can't wait to meet the child. And when he pulls in here in his crappy rent-a-car and he gets one look at my hand-polished Porsche, well, naturally, I'll have the lead.
Jordan: Very exciting.
A helicopter descends in the parking lot and Ron climbs down
Ron: Hoo-hoo! Hey. Hey, guys. Oh, I know the chopper seems like a bit much, but, uh, there was crazy traffic, so I'm having my assistant drive my rental car over from the airport - ah!
A sports car pulls up and honks.
Ron: Well, it hardly seems worth it now, but what the hell?
