Perry Cox Quotes
Dr. Cox: I think, Dr. Norris, what we're looking for is someone who's not too alarmist but also not too lax, either.
Dr. Norris: Oh, God, please let that someone be me!
Jordan: Look, you're obviously a little busy with your doll...
Dr. Norris: My doll? It's a collectible.
Jordan: Someone's gonna get his ass bit!
Dr. Cox: I love him!
Jordan: Of course you do - he's you! And nobody loves you more than you! You know that.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, but, still... He is the best pediatrician on staff, and since we both work here we're gonna have a lot of pull over him. I mean, come on, Jordan, you haven't let me make one decision about our son. Which is why, by the way, you'll be doing the answering when he asks why daddy's wee-wee doesn't have a turtleneck on it like his.
Jordan: Yeah, fine. Whatever you said.
Dr. Norris: Is his temperature under a hundred-point-five?
Dr. Cox: Barely.
Dr. Norris: Eating, peeing, pooing?
Dr. Cox: Sometimes all at the same time. Come on, it's a really persistent cough. What do you say?
Dr. Norris: Office hours, tomorrow, 5 o'clock. Bye-bye.
Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and put this in a language that you can understand. (puppet voice) You had better see my son now, or I'm gonna kick your ass.
Dr. Cox: Hello, David. I've been expecting you.
Dr. Norris: Agh!
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I just thought I'd come by and play with some of your stuffed animals and, I know, I know, they're "for the kids", heh. Also, wanted to let you know that I will be bringing my son by this morning.
Dr. Norris: Yeah, I don't think so, there, chief. Where's Mr. Cookiepants?
Dr. Cox: Oh, que pasa?
Dr. Norris: I said, Where's Mr. Cookiepants!?
Dr. Cox: He's in a safe place, Dave.
Dr. Norris: If you touch one hair on his head, I swear to God I'll inject your kid with chickenpox!
Dr. Cox: No, you won't.
Dr. Norris: I know. For God's sakes, it's an innocent doll!
Dr. Cox: No, David. It's a collectible.
Dr. Norris: Whatever.
Dr. Cox: Mmmmgh! Norris hasn't budged, and he just moved the appointment back to six, the rat-bastard!
Jordan: Watch your language in front of the kid, you stupid bicky-bicky!... You see, I am adapting. You, on the other hand, are behaving like a complete lunatic.
Turk: Think about it, man. Cox has taught you the most since you've been here, right? Do you really think he gives a damn whether you like him or not?
J.D.: I'd like to think so.
Dr. Cox: Out of my way, space-waster!
Turk: I felt the love.
J.D.'s Narration: Catch him and kick him in his junk!
Dr. Cox: You have kids?
Dr. Norris: One. She hates dolls.
Dr. Cox: Boy, that's a bummer.
Dr. Norris: Tell me about it.
Dr. Cox: Enjoy. I didn't cut the hand off - I used a different puppet for that.
Dr. Norris: Well, if you want, you could give that one to me and I could fix it. And have it... for the kids.
Dr. Cox: Disturbing fetishes aside, I-I feel like I owe you an apology on account of acting like a jackass. But I don't think that my son should be the one who has to pay for it.
Dr. Norris: You actually think that I would endanger the health of a child because you're a jackass? Look, buddy, most of the parents I deal with are jackasses; now, don't get me wrong, you're in the top five.
Dr. Cox: We'll be back with our decision.
Dr. Norris: Super! I'll be by my giant pretend phone pretending to give a crap.
Dr. Cox: Oh, by the way-
Dr. Norris: Brring! (Picks up giant phone) Hellooo? (Covers receiver and looks back at Dr. Cox) Ooh, sorry, gotta take this.
Dr. Cox: This time, try not to scare off the doctor.
Jordan: I did not scare off the last guy!
Dr. Cox: You bit him.
Jordan: I tripped and my teeth hit his shoulder.
Dr. Cox: Uh-huh. And once that happened, did you clamp down a little bit? Jordan!
Jordan: Well-
Dr. Cox: Oh, you come on!
Jordan: Well, he had a bad attitude!
