Perry Cox Quotes
Dan: Dude, these are living, breathing people we're talking about here.
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, what do you do?
Dan: I tend bar.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'll tell you what, there, Dan: I'm gonna go ahead and worry about how we do things around here. But if I ever do need to find out how to make a top-notch rum and coke, well, by gum, mister, you had better be by the phone, cause I just might give you a jingle. Ba-ha-rrrri-hing! Hi, Dan? Coxaronie. Regarding the rum and coke issue - couldn't be more confused!
J.D.: Well, on the plus side, his temperature's 99.9, so... Sayonara, Mr. Bober!
Dr. Cox: Oh, I could just give you a hug! Of course, I never would! I could, but I never would, God save me! I never would...
Dan: Hey, listen, Dr. Cox: No offense, I'm a big fan of the tough-guy act, but let me tell you what I really think. I think you love the fact that these kids idolize you. Johnny does! Johnny was always the one in the family we knew was going someplace - sweet kid, smart kid. Becoming a doctor, this is all he ever wanted; and yet, somehow, you've found a way to beat that out of him, haven't you? Turned him into some cynical guy who seems to despise what he does. Dr. Cox, Johnny's never gonna look up to me. Ever. But he hangs on your every word. So, I'm askin' - I'm telling you - take that responsibility seriously; stop being such a hard-ass, otherwise you're gonna have to answer to me.
J.D.'s Narration: Love can give you strength you never knew you had.
Dan: It was good seeing you, Dr. Cox.
Dr. Cox: Good to see you, Dan. All the best.
Dan: Listen, uh, my buddy Wayne lives a couple miles upstate, and so, uh, he's got himself a new bumper pool table - I'm gonna be taking off tonight.
J.D.: Oh, thank God. Dr. Cox! You remember my brother Dan?
Dan: Whatta ya say, Coxy!
Dr. Cox: Nothing!
Dan: That's a first.
J.D.: This is my boss, Dan.
Dr. Cox: You know what a boss is: For you, that would be the seventeen-year-old that tells you to clean out the grease-trap after you've filled all the ketchups.
Dr. Cox: Oh-ho! Lookie here! Uh, tell me sir, what is it that brings Dr. Dorian's favorite gomer back to the hospital?
Mr. Bober: Pickles.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough.
J.D.: Can't we just, you know, put a pillow over his head and put him out of his misery?
Dr. Cox: Not gonna be necessary, seeing as how his temperature is below a hundred. Take him away.
Dan: So, Dr. Cox, how long has my little brother had the desire to smother old people? I feel I should warn Grandma.
Dan: Hey, Dr. Cox.
Dr. Cox: Oh, here I'd been told you left. It made me happy.
Dan: Yeah, you don't like me. People don't like me. You know why? I'm a "screw-up", always "have been". For instance, when we were kids, Mom would always make me walk Johnny to school first day every year. Every year, I'd walk him to the wrong school! Just 'cause!
Dr. Cox: Boy, that's a great story, really. And I'm sure you were just a horrible big brother-
Dan: Well...
Dr. Cox: -but I'm afraid you have me confused with somebody who gives a crap. And it's okay, you don't need to be embarrassed, turns out it happens all the time. For instance, my father actually made the same mistake on his death bed.
Dr. Cox: Well, Mr. Pickles, welcome back.
J.D.: Here we go with this guy again.
Dr. Cox: Yep. Still, it sure is nice to be doing something you love. I wouldn't trade it. How 'bout you?
J.D.: No...
Dr. Cox: Don't forget that.
Mr. Bober: Pickles.
Dr. Cox: Damn right, sir. Damn right.
Dr. Cox: But right now, I'm goin' after that residency director gig, and you're joining me for a really stupid board member meet-and-greet.
J.D.: Will you write my recommendation?
Dr. Cox: Oh, hell no!
J.D.: Goodbye.
Dr. Cox: Oh, gimme a break! I'll write whatever you want! Just... we gotta go.
J.D.: Okay, fine. Lemme just fix my hair. Oh, wait! I don't have to!
Dr. Cox: Oh, good God!
J.D.'s Narration: Even if I wanted to put my pride on the line and go tell Elliot how I feel, I can't. I have to work tonight.
Dr. Cox: Say, Newbie. Seeing as how you are partially responsible for me being the new Residency Director, I'm gonna go ahead and give you the rest of the night off. I... I don't know, It's just kind of my own personal way of saying... I can't actually stand the sight of you.
J.D.'s Narration: I still don't think I should go see her.
Woman over loudspeaker: Doctor's Leave and Winnerback please report to the ER. Leave and Winnerback.
Man: (gives bouquet of flowers to J.D.) Here, buddy. Baby wasn't mine.
Dr. Kelso: Good afternoon, Sacred Heart!
Dr. Steadman: Hey! Your Chief of Medicine just said good afternoon, people!
J.D.'s Narration: Dr. Jeffrey Steadman - world-class suck-up. Especially since the residency director position opened up.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Cox, you know Dr. Steadman.
Dr. Cox: You're a doctor? Here, all this time I had thought that you were some kind of parasitic creature who lived shoulder-deep inside Big Bob's colon.
Dr. Steadman: If only, sir.
J.D.: Uh, listen, while I have you here - I'm applying for a fellowship, and I could really use a letter of recommendation. I was thinking that, when you wrote it, instead of using a girl's name you could refer to me as "Dr. Dorian." I think it sounds a little more professional and, frankly, each time you call me a girl's name, I die a little inside.
Dr. Cox: Look, Janice, Denise, Tiffany Amber Thiiiieeeessen! Lemme go ahead and share a little something special with you that I like to call Perry's Perspective. One: If someone's standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can't decide what they want in the half an hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them. Two: I'm fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there'd only be one website left, and it'd be called "Bring back the porn!" Three and most importantly of all: The only way to be respected as a doctor - nay, respected as a man - is to be an island; you are born alone, you damn sure die alone.
