You know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle — you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.

The computer and the printer must talk, talk, talk/Command P makes the picture walk, walk, walk.

Why do I have to watch a French movie, I didn't do anything wrong.

Don't be disrespectful Luke, anybody could do it with Gloria.

Ordinarily I'm a rule follower, but when someone tells me I can't bring my own snacks into their stadium? That's when I get a little... nuts. It's a free country right? Let's just say it Ruffles me when some Goobers tell me I have to spend my half my PayDay on their hot dogs.

The little snowflake makes it cold, cold, cold. Set Temperature makes it hold, hold, hold...

You're all the porn I need.

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!

Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby. An English gentleman in town for a polo match.

Alex is teaching herself Chinese so she'll be useful when they finish buying us.

Phil: My wife is always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh no, she could make lists for days.

Hey, the world needs more dreamers Luke. Never stop licking things.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Cam [giving Lily dating advice]: Definitely compliment his outfit, laugh at his jokes...
Lily: What if they aren't funny?
Cam: Oh honey, the cute ones rarely are. God doesn't give with both hands.