He got divorced and his whole life opened up. Guy's living the dream.

I don't like to talk about money. But I have exactly ten million dollars.

Phil: My wife is always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh no, she could make lists for days.

Tell me it was about booze, cheating, physical abuse - no problem. I'm a monogamous social drinker and Claire only sleep-hits me.

Oh quick, nature's surefire sunburn remedy- aloe!

I brought my own snacks, not because I'm cheap — it's a matter of principle. Plus I get a little rush from the danger. Be cool, be cool, be cool! Just look straight ahead... I've never felt more alive. WoOo!

I haven't felt so nervous since I tried to break up with Claire 20 years ago.

In your face, girl with a negative tattoo.

Phil: You're just a worrier, like when you thought he was never gonna talk.
Claire: He was two, and all he could do was bark.
Phil: I understood him.

Phil: Little heads up, there's no way I'm not crying at this wedding.
Claire: Phil you cried on the way here.

A wise and insightful old hippie, a Jeff Bridges old hippie.

We're like Ponce de Leon and his son... little Ponce.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me