South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralPhillip Quotes
Cartman: Look, if you don't come and do the show, I'll make you eat your parents.
Phillip: Yeah, whatever, kid.
Stan: He'll do it, dude.
(The birth of Terrance and Phillip's famous act)
Narrator: At the tender age of six, Terrance and Phillip were off to the United States to perform on the Ed Sullivan Show, where American audiences would be exposed to Canadians for the first time.
Ed Sullivan: And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have two adorable little boys from Canada. Please put your hands together for the music of young Terrance and Phillip.
Terrance and Phillip: Beef and lamb, chicken and ham, step to the left and clap your hands. Gosh we love that chicken and ham. Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
(Clapping sound)
Woman in audience: Oh my God! What's wrong with their heads?!
Man in audience: It's alright, darling. They're just Canadian.
Woman in audience: Oh.
Terrance and Phillip: Beef and lamb, chicken and ham, step to the left and clap your hands. Got a little left, chicken and ham. Don't let it go to waste, chicken and ham.
(The audience barely applauds)
Narrator: The Canadian act confused American audiences. But then something happened that would change Terrance and Phillip's act forever.
(Phillip farts, which causes Ed and the audience to laugh and applaud loudly.)
(Terrance also farts, which causes the audience to laugh even louder.)
Narrator: It was the birth of Canadian comedy.
Phillip: I'm looking for a mechanic. Can you tell me how to get to the auto garage?
Terrance: Sure, buddy! All you need to do is go down to the - (he farts loudly so nobody could hear what he is saying) - and that's how you get to the auto garage!
Phillip: Can you tell me how to get to the auto garage without farting?
Terrance: Sure. You go the same way except stick your finger up your ass.
Phillip: No, no, no! I mean, could you tell me the directions again without you farting?
Terrance: Ooh! Sure! Just stick your finger up my ass.
Phillip: Alright, no problem, buddy. (sticks finger up his ass) Now, tell me, how do I get to the auto garage to see a mechanic?
Terrance: You're at the auto garage. I am the mechanic.
Phillip: Why the heck didn't you tell me you were the mechanic?
Stan: (watching it on TV) Because I had an itch up my ass.
Terrance: Because I had an itch up my ass.
Phillip: Why don't you go eat some more pudding, you fatass drug addict!
Terrance: I may be fat but at least I didn't get hair plugs!
Terrance: You know, we've learned something today. When you've been through a lot with someone, you can't let trite things come between you.
Phillip: That's right, Terrance. You should only let trite things come between your ass cheeks. (they both fart and laugh)
Phillip: I say Terrance, it appears the body has been moved since the murder.
Terrance: I don't see anything.
Phillip: Look closer...(Aiming ass at Terrance)
Phillip: Closer...(Small fart)
Phillip only: Ahahaha!
(Terrance on ladder farts a huge fart in Phillips face knocking him into the wall)
Both: Ahahahahaha!
Terrance: I'm afraid you have cancer.
Phillip: Oh no.
Terrance: See this? This is your ass. See this line? This is your ass collapsing.
Phillip: Does this mean I won't be able to fart anymore?
Terrance: No, it means you won't be able to live anymore.
Terrance: Oh, Phillip. How will we ever find my fugitive daughter in this daunting place? We don't speak the language, we are unwelcome strangers, and we have no idea where to begin.
(They look across the street and Terrance's daughter is standing there.)
Phillip: Oh, look. There she is.
(Phone rings, inane laughter)
Phillip: That fart sounded like a ringing phone Terrance.
Terrance: It sure did Phillip.
(Phone rings again)
Terrance: Oh wait, that is the phone.
Terrance: What are you doing?
Scott: I am wishing cancer upon you.
Phillip: What?
Scott: I am giving you cancer with my mind.
Phillip: No, don't give me cancer!
Ugly Bob, your face looks like somebody tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver.
Phillip: The subway certainly is wonderful, Terrance.
Terrance: It sure is. Let's look for treasure.
Phillip: Yes. Let's look for treasure.
