The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Ralph Wiggum Quotes
(Devil Flanders curses Homer by turning his head into a donut.)
Marge: Homer, don't pick at it!
Homer: But, Marge, I'm so sweet and tasty! Well, I guess I'll go to work.
Lisa: Uh, Dad, I wouldn't go out there if I were you.
Chief Wiggum: (Outside house, sipping coffee) Don't worry, boys. He's got to come out of there sometime.
Mr. Black: Now I must tell you kids Krusty has laryngitis and a bad back so he won't be saying anything or doing anything.
Milhouse: Krusty looks fat.
Lisa: He's really having trouble keeping his balance.
Ralph: He's still funny, but not ha-ha funny.
Ah, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's a woman, though, because one time I...uh, heh...
Chief Wiggum
Oh, I'm uh.. on a road, uh.. looks to be asphelt. Um, ah geez, trees, shrubs um.... I'm directly under the earths sun... nnnow!
I keep telling you lady, your father and son have to be missing for a week before we can start searching. I'd like to help sooner, I would, but we're very very busy down here! (plays chess)
Chief Wiggum
Principal Skinner: And here is a special award to the children who obviously didn't have any help from their parents, Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.
Ralph: (With a plastic bag that says "Idaho" on it) I'm Idaho!
Principal Skinner: Sure you are!
If he was going to commit a crime, would he have invited the number one cop in town? Now where did I put my gun? Oh yeah, I set it down when I got a piece of cake.
Chief Wiggum
Sideshow Bob: Bart, I must know. How did you untangle my web?
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, Bart, pull us in!
Bart: Well, I'd hate to tell the number one cop in town how to do his job.
Chief Wiggum: No, no, please. It's the only way I'll learn.
Sir, I got carsick in your office.
Dr. Pryor: Here's your scientifically selected career.
Janey: Architect.
Kid: Insurance salesman,
Ralph: Salmon gutter?
Milhouse: Military strongman.
Martin: Systems analyst. Systems analyst.
Dr. Pryor: Systems analyst.
Martin: All right!
Lisa: Homemaker?
Dr. Pryor: Mm-hm. It's like a mommy.
Bart: Police officer? Well, I'll be jiggered.
