The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXRalph Wiggum Quotes
I'm afraid we've got a budget problem, Marge. Your boy picked a bad time to fall down a well. If he had done it at the beginning of the fiscal year, no problemo.
Chief Wiggum
(to Fat Tony) I'm not gonna stop until one of us is in jail. (pause) You!
Chief Wiggum
Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city. He is the cancer, and I am the...um...What cures cancer?
Chief Wiggum
I'm going to eat chocolate till I barf!
Chief Wiggum: You're all under arrest for the murder of Seymour Skinner!
Fat Tony: What's a murder?
Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!
Chief Wiggum: You wouldn't happen to know anything about a cigarette truck that was hijacked outside of town, would you?
Fat Tony: What's a truck?
Chief Wiggum: Don't play dumb with me!
Ralph: What's Lyme Disease?
Principal Skinner: I'll field that one. Lyme disease is spread by small parasites called ticks. When a diseased tick attaches itself to you, it begins sucking your blood. Malignant spirochetes infect your bloodstream, eventually spreading to your spinal fluid and on into the brain.
Miss Hoover: The Brain? Oh dear god!
Dear Miss Hoover. You have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin's biting me, come back soon. Here is a drawing of a spyrokeet. Love Ralph.
Miss Hoover: You see, class, my Lyme Disease turned out to be (Spells on blackboard) psychosomatic.
Ralph: Does that mean you're crazy?
Janey: No, that means she was faking it.
Miss Hoover: No, actually, it was a little of both.
Clouds are God's sneezes.
