Ray: You're an idiot!
Jonathan: Thanks for understanding.

Jonathan: It looks like you have your own serial killer.
Ray: At least he's helped with sales.

If he sticks a pencil in my twat and I feel it, I'm going to regret this.

George: Hey, Jonathan told me that you are quite the ladies man nowadays.
Ray: That's right, I've been with two woman since Leigh left me. A drunk and an elf.

George: Oh Ray, Happy Birthday!
Ray: Oh you shouldn't have, but I'm glad you did.

I'll tell you who let the dogs out.

Tell George I'm rooting for him and that I'm praying for his cock.

I'm so glad that possibly my last erection is with you.


Ray: (to Jonathan) : You didn't actually kiss her and she is the most beautiful girl in the world.

You really like little Ray, don't you.


Ray's elf girlfriend : You are the sexiest guy I ever met.
Ray: I know.

Couple shots of nice whiskey for me and the lady.

Bored to Death Quotes

Men face reality. Women don't. That why men need to drink.


I've always been intrigued by Stockholm Syndrome. Make me think of my childhood.