The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXSelma Bouvier Quotes
(Patty and Selma stop at the Kwik-E-Mart and order cigarettes.)
Apu: Oh! All right. Here you go. Smoke them in good health. And will you be needing any lottery tickets with that?
Selma: No! All right. Five.
Selma: Bart, come cheer up your Aunt Selma
Bart: Okay.
Selma: What did you learn in school today?
Bart: Principal Skinner's gonna ask Aunt Patty to marry him.
(Moment of silence.)
Selma: Hmm. Thanks, kid. You made my day.
Marge: (Pinching her cheeks) Couldn't we just use rouge for this?
Mrs. Bouvier: Ladies pinch. Whores use rouge.
Homer: And lord, we're especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream. Anyway, we'd like to thank you for the occasional moments of peace and love our family's experienced. Well, not today, you saw what happened! Oh lord, be honest! Are we the most pathetic family in the universe or what?
Family: Amen.
Selma: Worst prayer yet.
Patty: When is that boy going to apologize?
Selma: He sure is stubborn.
Grampa: Homer was never stubborn. He always folded instantly over everything. It was as if he had no will of his own. Isn't that true, Homer?
Homer: Yes, dad!
(Marge discusses Homer's new hair with Patty and Selma.)
Marge: He's much happier at work and--Well, just between us girls, he hasn't been this frisky in years!
Patty: Mmm.
Selma: I don't wanna think about it.
(The Simpson family watches a game show called Grade School Challenge on TV)
Game Show Host: Okay, the capital of North Dakota is named after what German ruler?
Homer: Hitler!
Marge: (Questioning Homer) Hitler, North Dakota?
Patty and Selma: (In unison) Bismarck.
Girl Contestant: Bismarck!
Bart: (To Homer) Hitler?
Homer: Hey, I'm still beating you, boy.
Game Show Host: Okay, the colors of the Italian flag are red, white, and what?
Bart: Blue!
Homer: Yellow!
Bart: Orange!
Selma: Green.
Bart: Red!
Patty: Green.
Bart: Purple!
Homer: Red! White! Black! Green!
Girl Contestant: Green.
Homer: I was right! (Claps)
(At Marge's birthday party, Patty and Selma comment on Homer.)
Patty: Look at him wolf down that gristle.
Selma: Mm-hmm. It's an accident waiting to happen.
Patty: Do you know the Heimlich maneuver?
Selma: No.
Patty: Good.
Patty: It's almost nine o'clock.
Selma: Where is Homer anyway?
Patty: It's so typical of the big doofus to spoil it all.
Lisa: What Aunt Patty?
Patty: Oh, nothing, dear. I'm just trashing your father.
