Shane: Renada just wants me for my sperm.
Doug: She sounds perfect.

Shane: Couldn't stay away, huh?
Silas: Like you always said, I'm not very bright.

Shane: She's not coming is she?
Andy: No, she's not.

(to Silas) Want to join? We are stealing Christmas card money from the past.

Always the babysitter, awesome.

Dude, give up the dream.

Shane: We'll let the lab decide.
Silas: Lab?
Shane: DNA my brother or should I say half brother.

(to Silas) He's so your f*cking dad.

Silas: So what do you think is in the locked room at the end of the hall?
Shane: Probably a shrine to our mom.

(to Mr. Schiff) You keep a picture of our mom in your wallet?

Shane: It definitely happened.
Silas: Gross.
Andy: Hey never confirmed.
Doug: They had sex.

I'm a hero! I'm a hero! I can't taste my beer anymore.

Weeds Quotes

I'm the suburban baroness of bud, Nancy.

Nancy Botwin

You've made your bed, now f**k in it.

Nancy Botwin