I apologize if I haven't been the friend you deserve. But I want you to know, in my way, I love you all.

I was under a misapprehension that my accomplishments were mine alone. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have been encouraged, sustained, inspired, and tolerated. Not only by my wife, but by the greatest group of friends anyone ever had.

Sheldon: I hate to say it but I think everyone is being incredibly selfish.
Amy: Well, you would be the authority on the subject.

Sheldon: UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!
Penny: What?
Leonard: He thinks you're sick.
Penny: Oh. Should we tell him?
Leonard: If we don't, he might try to jump out of the plane.
Penny: Doesn't answer my question.

Amy: She's probably just air-sick.
Sheldon: But what if she's not. What if we get what she has? What if we infect the King of Sweden? That's how wars start.

Amy: This is about humbly accepting a great honor.
Sheldon: Amy, we won the Nobel Prize in Physics. Humility is for people who win the goofy Nobels like Literature, Economics, and Peace.
Amy: Please tell me that's not in your speech.
Sheldon: I can cut it but it's the only joke I have.

Amy: Sheldon, why are you talking so fast?
Sheldon: I'm trying to get my speech down to ninety minutes.
Amy: Nobody's going to be able to understand a word you're saying.
Sheldon: Welcome to my life.

Amy: Do you want to go back to the apartment and see me try on my dress?
Sheldon: Shouldn't I see it for the first time at the Nobel ceremony?
Amy: It's not a wedding.
Sheldon: Okay. Well, give me a minute to think of another reason I don't want to see it.

Leonard: Picked up your dresses?
Amy: Yup. The tailor had to take mine in and let Penny's out. Best day of my life.
Sheldon: What about the day you met me?
Amy: I stand by my statement.

Leonard: What kind of DNA is this anyway?
Sheldon: I was trying to design the genetic code of an advanced race of human being. One of my rare failures actually.
Leonard: What went wrong?
Sheldon: The balls kept sticking to my pants.

You're also married. You have a successful career. You no longer dress like you're trying to attract sailors by the wharf.

Penny: I used to be the bartender back there.
Sheldon: That's true. And now there's a completely different woman who botched my drink order. How hard is sixty-five percent Coke, thirty-five percent Diet Coke?
Penny: Judging by the look on her face, it's at least one percent saliva.

TBBT Quotes

Bozeman does have a comedy club called the Loony Bin. Please don't forward my mail there.

Sheldon

It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors

Sheldon