Shirley Quotes
Shirley: I've never been a captain before.
Pierce: I have I commanded a jet ski through an electrical storm and only had one casualty.
Troy: Jet skis only hold two people.
Pierce: Exactly, I saved half the crew.
Shirley: I was going to sign up for a class to make an online dating profile, but sailing in the parking lot sounds less pathetic.
Troy: A black person on a sailboat? I gotta see this. I'm in.
You're like a black ghost.
Shirley [to Abed's berka-wearing cousin]
Oh it's a drawing of Abed with hearts all around it. Strictly speaking, the bible condemns this level of friendship.
Sensible night, appropriate night.
Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.
Shirley: You think religion is stupid.
Jeff: No, no. To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal and I would never take it away from anyone, but I would also never stand in line for it.
Shirley: I never knew you were a Jew.
Annie: I'd say the whole word next time.
Shirley: I made you all a little gift because you're like my new family.
Annie: WWBJD?
Pierce: If it stands for "What Would Billy Joel Do?", I'll tell you right now, he'd write another crappy song.
Troy: Yeah, in your face Billy Joel.
[Troy mouths who is that to Annie, who mouths back I don't know]
Shirley: It stands for "What Would Baby Jesus Do?"
You've never seen one on the Internet, or in pictures, or Harvey Keitel's?
Being a Virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of, you're like a unicorn.
Shirley [to Annie]
This is Spanish 101. I know how to say hello, tomorrow and that tables are female. That's the only Spanish you taught us.
I believe that fusing brownies with the Internet is going to create the next Napster for brownies.
