Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXSterling Archer Quotes
I can do baby or I can do geezer murder mystery but I can't do both!
Archer: Cannot picture you as a fighter pilot.
Woodhouse: Oh no, sir. Not a pilot - a batman. An officer's personal attendant, in charge of keeping his kit in good order, seeing to his personal needs.
Archer: So a servant.
Woodhouse: Solider servant was the official term.
Archer: Yeah, way to advance.
Woodhouse: One by one, the last surviving member of the double duece are being... murdered.
Archer: Oh my god.... are we out of Bloody Marys?
Archer: You realize you're in huge trouble.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: And now I have to spend my first Friday off in like forever...
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: ...devising some bizarre punishment for you.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: So don't be suprised if you find yourself eating a whole bunch of spiderwebs.
[If I brought food] I wouldn't have room for beer, and since I can't catch beer....
She gets dinner in Dixieland and laid. And I get mosquitoes and no beer and not laid. How could this get any... [alligator murmurs] LET ME FINISH... worse. You ruined it. You ruined the moment.
Lana: What's your third biggest fear?
Archer: Brain aneurysm.
Lana: What's a brain aneurysm have to do with walking around in a swamp?
Archer: Nothing, it can happen anywhere at anytime, that's what makes it so terrifying.
Lana: What are your three biggest fears?
Archer: Getting stuck on a boat with you three times.
Lana [opens cooler of nothing but beer]: You're shitting me.
Archer: I know. A rainbow should shoot out every time you open it.
Try clearing your throat about a gillion more times and see if that helps.
Archer: This must be what it's like to have sex with me.
Lana: How could an airboat be selfish?
Archer [to airboat owner]: I've waited my entire life to say this exact phrase, "I'm commandeering this airboat!"
Lana: Sorry, it really is an emergency.
Archer: Of an awesome and ass-kicking nature!
