Palmer: Don't worry. He's as high as a kite.
Troutman (groggy): Wait. I know you.
McGee: Jimmy.
Palmer: Or not.
Troutman: Are there violent chinchilla babies here too?
McGee: They were here.
Troutman: No!
McGee: But we got rid of them.
Troutman: God bless you.

Jones: Agent McGee! We forgot witnesses. Any chance you two could help us out?
McGee: Absolutely.

McGee: It's a voodoo doll that looks just like you, right down to the insincere grin. What's the note say?
Tony: Little Tony will bring you good luck and happiness. That's not funny. There's nothing funny about voodoo, ever since I saw "Live and Let Die" when I was a kid.
McGee: It's a doll. It's a stuffed toy.
Tony: So was Chucky.

Gibbs: How's your love life, DiNozzo?
Tony: Huh?
Gibbs: You still seeing the secretary?
McGee: He means Andrea.
Bishop: Andrea. Hmm. Who's Andrea?
Tony: Andrea. Oh yeah. Yeah. She's uh, I mean, it's kind of on an as-needed basis.
Pride: Friends with benefits?
Gibbs: Yeah well those aren't benefits like dental insurance.

Tony: He just pulled the "this is my wedding gift to him" card.
McGee: Well that's a very nice one.
Tony: I guess it beats the steak knives I was going to re-gift him.

McGee: How long have they been at it?
Abby: Like an hour. I heard Ducky curse, ten minutes ago. I mean, well I think he did. I'm not that familiar with British profanity.

She's a probie. Besides, Tony did a whole lot worse to me.

McGee: Do you mind if I ask you - how long did it take you to get used to it?
Fred Linn: You don't. You just choose to move on.

Tony: Having flashbacks to my childhood. Reminds me of Sunday dinners with dad. Stepmoms two and four.
McGee: What should we do?
Tony: Same thing I did as a kid. Keep your head down, wait to be excused, you go to your room and play with yourself.

Tony: C'mon McGee. Lean on me.
McGee: No, thank you Tony.
Tony: Sometimes it helps to have somebody to talk to, and believe it or not I can be a good listener.

McGee: I should have been here when you woke up.
Delilah: You're here now.

Boss, would you mind sitting with me?

NCIS Quotes

Bishop: Seriously? How'd you get that?
Tony: Well, it's like Gorillas in the Midst. You'll get to understand his grunts.

Torres: When I break out the glass, maybe I can rip out the bars.
Bishop: With what? Your superhuman strength?