Tobias: Oh, God, here she is.
Michael: Next to that guy?
Tobias: What guy?
Michael: That guy.
Tobias: No, that's her.
Michael: Him?
Tobias: That's a girl. I think the name "Michael" is making you look for a man.
Michael: I think I'm looking at a man.

Michael, look, this has got to stop. I mean, flattered? Yes. Interested? Not tonight.

Tobias: I find myself attracted to someone who is not my wife.
Michael: What's her name?
Tobias: Michael. ... Can you believe it?

Lindsay: Well, why don't you just go to Dad and ask him who Nellie is, point-blank?
Michael: So, he can just cover it up and lie? I can't stand to hear one more lie out of this family.
Tobias: Oh, there's the woman I'm sexually attracted to.
Michael: Ok, but that's the last one.

Lindsay: Oh, you know what? I've already prepared a list of "won'ts."
Tobias: Oh, you're not going to believe this. My list is of "can'ts."
Michael: Marital love can be so romantic.

Michael: I-I'm not interested in you that way.
Tobias: What way?
Michael: Pick one.

Lindsay: Well, you know, maybe I would be more attracted to you if you were in better shape. You know, if you were just more muscular and masculine. Does that make me shallow?
Tobias: No. I was going to say the same thing to you.

Tobias: Yes. Lindsay and I are planning a night of heterosexual intercourse.
Michael: You can just say intercourse.

George Sr.: He, she. What's the difference?
Tobias: Hear hear! In the dark, it's all the same.

George Sr.: Who's on the list? Any blabbers?
Michael: Well, they've got one guy who won't be talking. That is unless there's a hand inside of him.
Tobias: Oh, please, Michael. Even then, I wouldn't say anything.

Jan: You never heard anyone in your family discuss plans to either travel to Iraq or do business there?
Tobias: Well, I spent so much time making sweet love on my wife that it's hard to hear anything over the clatter of her breasts and --
Jan Your witness.
Michael: I have nothing.

Tobias: All right, I'll listen to this later. And don't tell me where you've been. It'll just make me worry more. But guess what? There's a new daddy in town.
Music: A new daddy in town ...
Tobias: A discipline daddy.
Music: A discipline daddy ... Gonna spank your behind, uh-huh ...
Tobias: Oh, it's a ... it's a parenting tape.

Arrested Development Quotes

Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here, Maeby. Do you want to hop on your cousin's lap there, please?

Tobias

(holding stuffed animals) These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.

Buster