Popular Tom Haverford Quotes
Tom: So, what does the Man Pillow look like?
Leslie: Daniel Craig. It's for my lower back.
Leslie: How do we cut through the red tape and how do we get this pit filled in? Ideas?
Tom: We need to cut through the red tape and get the pit filled in.
Leslie: Yes, Tom. Good.
Ann, what happened here? Did you tell everyone they're going to have to get a bone marrow transplant tomorrow? They look miserable. This party is a disaster.
Leslie: Ron's ex-wife? That's terrific. Or is that awful? I mean he hates her, but he knows her. Everything's OK, or is it just the same?
Tom: Leslie, you're thinking out loud again.
Leslie: Am I? I am.
When Tiger Woods feels invincible he wears a red shirt and black pants. Ron wears the same thing after he's had sex.
I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to, 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.
Joe: Sewage! Let's roll.
Tom: Damn! How does sewage always get the hottest interns?
Leslie: You can have two legacies. Look at Madonna: great singer, amazing arms.
Tom: Look at O.J. Simpson: Heisman Trophy winner, Naked Gun.
Tom: Just give me $20 worth of art. Just something that seems personal that only I could have done.
Arnold: Tell me about yourself.
Tom: No. Just paint.
Tom: I have no interest in art. Let me clarify: I have no interest in non-nude images.
Tom: Dude, what the hell kind of art is this? It looks like a lizard puking up Skittles.
Arnold: I'm an abstract expressionist.
Tom: No, you're a con artist, and I'm a guy who's out 20 bucks. Ugh, whatever.
Every now and then, we have these little gatherings, and Leslie gets plastered. One time, I convinced her to try to fax someone a Fruit Roll Up. She, one time, made out with the water delivery guy. In her office. On Halloween, she was dressed up as Batman. Not Batgirl; Batman. And I convinced her to go stop a crime that was going on outside. And it is my favorite thing in the world.
