Tom Haverford Quotes
Ladies. Is there anything you desire at all? Besides me?
Call me a romantic, but I believe by the end of the night I will have between one and four new girlfriends.
Tom: Do not miss tonight's April Ludgate birthday bash. 9 o'clock p.m. At the world famous Snakehole Lounge. The place the Pawnee Journal has called, "The sexiest, most dangerous club in town."
Leslie: That's not what they wrote.
Tom: Fine. I added the word sexiest. But, we've hired better security.
I need you to make that out to Wendy. Tom is an amazing guy. You never should have left him. You made a huge mistake in your life and you're probably going to die alone. Love, Detlef.
Brooks Brothers Boys, it's like the cuts are slimmer, and it's cheaper. Win win.
I'm fix six and three-quarters.
Tom: Got enough leg room back there?
Detlef: Yeah, you don't have to sit so far up.
Tom: Yeah, I do.
Tom: Does Pawnee Cable Access even have hair and makeup?
Leslie: Well, they have a communal lipstick in a box of combs.
Leslie: You're never going to believe who I got. People are going to freak out.
Tom: Rihanna.
Leslie: No.
Tom: Dr. Oz.
Leslie: Nope, you're never going to ask.
Tom: Justin Bieber.
Leslie: No. Ex-Indiana Pacer. Small forward Detlef Schrempf.
Tom: THE Detlef Schrempf?
I can't make it to the telethon tonight because I have no interest in being there.
Jerry: No, Leslie. Please. Tonight's kind of a big night. You know, all my kids are away...
Tom: Gross! No! That's Jerry's sex night. That ruins sex and tonight.
I should be the one that's upset. It's supposed to be me and Ann. Or me and Jessica. Or Ann and Jessica with me watching.
