Don't patronize me with your Celtic slang, Liz Lemon.

Liz Lemon, I may hug people too hard and get lost at malls, but I'm not an idiot.

My love child tracked me down. I was scared, shocked, angry. Like a dog in a sidecar when it comes loose from the motorcycle.

I feel like you're not telling me something, Jack. Lemme guess. You bought a sidecar for your motorcycle and your dog won't stay in it.

[on his high school classmate] We called him Mean Steve. But his real name was Steven Killer.

[giving commencement address] Just be yourself, and I promise that every single person in this room will be President of the United States!

My dear friend Moby just opened a tea house in Park Slope. Do you know him?

Which one is the elevator I'm not afraid of?

A book hasn't caused this much trouble since Where's Waldo went to that barber pole factory.

That's three! Tell my wife I went to Philadelphia on business!

Keep refreshing. Maybe Andy Dick has died in the last 20 seconds.

Tracy: So, how you doing over there, Theo Huxtable.
Toofer: I'm doing good.
Tracy: Nah-uh. Superman does good; you're doing well. You need to study your grammar, son.
Frank: [to Toofer] Wow, that was embarrassing for you.