Turk Quotes
Carla: How was your first stress-free day?
Turk: Horrible. And you?
Carla: Worse. Let's make a baby. If it doesn't work this time I'll kill myself.
Turk: Not helping with the stress.
Carla: He is not allowed to dream about me. It gets too freaky in there.
Turk: Cirque de Soleil freaky. One time, she was skinless.
Dr. Wen: Christopher. I heard you were sweating the rankings.
Turk: No! I'm married and trying to have a baby. Not having a job would be a big boost for me.
Turk: I mean, how could I be fourth?! I know Bonnie's good and Figsack has mad hands, but somehow I keep forgetting that Todd is a skilled surgeon.
Todd: Hey, how come you didn't page me about that surgical consult?
Elliot: I did. You're wearing your garage door opener on your hip.
Turk: Ladies and gentlemen... number 2!
Dr. Wen: You're a good surgeon. Plus, your bedside manner is really important. There's no one on that list who spends more time with their patients as you do.
Turk: Are you saying I have a job? If you are trying to "Kelly Ripa" me right now... I would freak out.
Turk: We have to all band together and agree not to be exploited by Dr. Kelso. From now on we'll only be judged by our skills and our abilities. Who's with me? That's right. That's right! From here on out, no more getting him coffee. No more washing his car... No more taking his son to local steam baths to meet men.
Todd: Well hey, you guys got him coffee.
Jake: Dr. Turk what happened to you?
Turk: I found the latest issue of "Vengeance" in a comic book store a mile and a half away. Here you go. Actually I ran there in... a foam needle suit, but, you don't care.
Needle: Excuse me nurse. How about a poke!
Carla: I have a husband! Ok. And he's big and he's black and-
Turk: Baby, Baby! It's me. But I do love that you go to that "big and black" stuff.
Carla: I can't wait to bear the fruit of your loins.
Turk: I'm so sick of this. If the jobs were given to whoever's the best surgeon, I would get all three of those damn spots.
Elliot: It's the same on the medical side, I swear. The only reason I got that oncology rotation is because I let Dr. Morgan take me as his date to his brother's wedding.
Turk: Ricky Morgan?
Elliot: Mm-hmm.
Turk: He works in the cafeteria.
Elliot: What?
Turk: What...?
Dr. Cox: You know, in four and a half years, I've watched your pal Stephanie go through a multitude of irritating fads: the Ugg boots, the campaign for better grammar among the staff, and of course the double European air kiss. And seeing as how you two are sorority sisters, I was kind of hoping you'd be able to tell me when this extra mile crap is likely to end.
Turk: Oh, It's never going to end. He's relentless. Why do you think I was out Sunday morning buying comic books for my patient?
Dr. Cox: They were giving away free tasty-cakes at the comic book store? E-HA!... That used to work better when you were a fat load.
Turk: I know.
Dr. Cox: Damnit!
Marston: How often do you make love?
Turk: Twice today.
Carla: Actually it was three times. You were asleep for the last one.
Turk: Wow, that really happened? I thought it was weird that you were in one of my sex dreams.
Turk: Wait. Wait! T-this is the only way that I could suck up to Kelso without the other surgeons knowing about it.
Janitor: There you are! You're not Mr. Sommers.
Turk: No, I'm not.
