Turk Quotes
Turk: Hey White Shadow.
J.D.: That's not my handle.
Turk: Hey Gizmo.
Turk: (To someone off camera) Alright, look. I know I said I wanted to go by myself to get tested today. But I've been doing some thinking andI'm scared. So it would mean a lot if you went with me.
J.D.: Of course, buddy.
Dr. Cox: Gandharoo, I need you to talk to a young pregnant black girl who will not let me call her mom.
Turk: Why would she listen to me?
Dr. Cox: I may have told her you were Kanye West.
Turk: I'm actually all right with that.
Turk: I may be sterile.
Carla: Oh honey, stay calm. Nobody knows but us.
J.D.: (Over watchie-talkie) You firing blanks, buddy?
J.D.: Are you nude right now?
Turk: Yeah! How'd you know?
J.D.: Your voice is always higher when you're nude.
Turk: That's true.
Dr. Cox: It's not weird you know that at all.
Turk: You know I'm not comfortable getting busy with myself?
J.D.: Well, you are in luck. This happens to be my specialty. Here is a tip: If you can't get over the fact that you are doing it to yourself, sit on your arm until it falls asleep then pull it out and use that. I call it "The Stranger".
Turk: If I ever have kids, you are NEVER allowed to baby-sit them.
Carla: I can't do that. Turk is very sensitive about his masculinity. You remember what happened when I told him his backpack looked like a purse.
Flashback...
Carla: I'm sorry, Turk. I didn't mean it!
Turk: I AM A MAN!!!! A MAN DOESN'T WEAR A PURSE!!!!
J.D.: I'm having a rough morning Brown Bear. How are you doing with your sterility?
Turk: Ahh... I can't really talk about that right now. I'm in an elevator.
J.D.: Not reading you Brown Bear. I repeat, are you still sterile?!
Laverne: This is so juicy that I feel dizzy.
Turk: Carla is down there telling Elliot to ignore you so she can regain the power.
Keith: I don't really care.
Turk: Well, you know, this isn't about you, Keith. This is about men everywhere who'd been abused and bullied by women. (Pause) This is about me.
Turk: (Pretending to be Keith) Hey, how you doing, Claire?
Elliot: Did you just call me Claire?
Keith: No I would never call you
(Elliot and Carla leave)
Keith: That didn't even sound like me.
Turk: I know. They hear what they want to hear.
Turk: What's up buddy, you need a ride?
J.D.: Keep moving C Bear.
Turk: Dude, you all right? You were gone for a really long time.
J.D.: You're gonna be an awful father!
