Turtle Quotes
Where'd you meet her, Drama? The Barry Bonds hearing?
Turtle: It'll be like Prom.
Eric: So I guess you won't have a date then?
Turtle: I told you ten thousand fucking times, she had food poisoning.
Vince: He got a girl.
Eric: Really, who?
Turtle: I don't know, he must have ordered in late night. Woke me up at like 4:30. Sounded like a couple of baboons fucking.
Drama: She gave me the ride of my life. I just hung on to those lats, simmered all control.
Turtle: You know, if I was holding onto those lats, I'd think I was fucking Evander Holyfield!
Eric: Name one girl you ever pulled off the internet.
Turtle: There's all sorts of confidentiality agreements with these sites. I ain't telling you shit!
Eric: Did you even get a date yet, Turtle?
Turtle: Course I got a date. We have to pick her up from the Burbank Airport in one hour.
Eric: What is she? A Russian mail order bride?
Tanya: So, Turtle, how'd you guys meet?
Turtle: Ahh, J date.
Drama: Isn't that for Jews?
Turtle: So?
Drama: She's wearing a cross.
Turtle: She's reformed.
Turtle: E, the movie's huge bro. Relax, Joanne says its destined to be a classic.
Eric: Oh, Joanne says its destined to be a classic. She's destined to be in a fucking insane asylum!
Broken up and still pussy-whipped. That's just sad.
Turtle: You should get me on a talk show. I'd kill.
Shauna: Maybe I'll get you on Springer. Fat, little horny fucks and the women that despise him.
[Drama laughs]
Shauna: What are you laughing at? Maybe I'll get you on Montel with Don Swayze, Joey Travolta and the other retarded star siblings
Emily: You smoke?
Eric: Cigarettes? Um..yeah. I mean I've been trying to quit...umm recently.
Emily: How hard are you trying?
Eric: umm..not that much.
Emily: Good.
Turtle: I thought he quit.
Drama: Cigarettes, not pussy
Drama [from Vagina Monologues]: If your vagina could talk, what would it say in two words?
Turtle: Eat me
