He doesn't steal pies from windowsills! He is a real-life homeless person!

Or we could break into a zoo, steal a bear, then we shoot the bear full of Hep C, we release that bear in the restaurant right as they're about to order dessert.

Prostitute: Aren't you a virgin, too?
Winston: Just my penis, baby. Just my penis.

I know you're lying, and I'm hurt, but I'm gonna eat this anyway

I'm staying positive, but I'm pretty sure this is where we die.

I needed your underwear...to sew into my underwear.

Winston: An eye for an eye, Nick; a cat for a cat.
Nick: But what's the other cat?

Hello, Pica? I need a table for five. This is author Toni Morrison.

He's gonna have to get...it rhymes with "flute-ered."

Ain't no way in hell I got a cat brothel going on in my room and I'm the only normal person in this loft.

Winston: Schmidt, you can't move out! Who's gonna do my fades?!
Jess: Yeah, who's gonna do his fades?!

You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost!

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.


My whole life is you.