Earl: Max, you got a stamp? I wanna drop this off in the mail on my way home.
Max: I have one in my purse. I'll just get it.
Caroline: Max, he wants to file this year. He doesn't have time for the search party to go into your purse and return.
Max: Hey, it's a purse. It's supposed to be messy.
Caroline: No, it's supposed to be a purse, not a retirement home for a pair of panties stuck to old lifesavers.
Earl: I'm kinda off my meal now.

Oleg: Chicken breast, side of hot sauce.
Max: Breast? Hot sauce? Come on, it's right there.
Oleg: Max, now that I have big love for Sophie, I no longer say inappropriate sexual things to other women. I save all my hot sauce for her breasts.
Max: Love has made you a real old lady.

I wanted to scream, but it wouldn't come out.


This is not like me, the only thing I've ever lost is my virginity.


Earl: Today is April 16th do you know what tomorrow is?
Han: Oh, happy Martin Luther King Day. Have a drink on me.
Earl: It's not Martin Luther King Day; black people are allowed to be excited about other days.
Han: Oh, is there a new Tyler Perry moving coming out?

A pill! Could be birth control, could be XTC, waiting for a day off to find out. Why wait? [swallows pill] If I start touching your hair in an hour, don't let me have sex with anyone!


Max: Yes, I'm her registered emotional companion.
Leo: Well, this is a legal proceeding and that's a highly unusual request.
Caroline: But not improbable. We googled it.
Max: Yeah, she's allowed to have an emotional companion as long as both attorneys agree.
Leo: Well, I graduated top of my class at Harvard. But, since you googled it, I'll try to make that happen.

Caroline: What's the point? Clearly, I've already lost the game of life, 'cause I'm sitting in a drug trial waiting for my "A" to "L."
Max: Well, if your "A" does start to "L," you're on the bottom bunk.

Max: Well, bottoms up.
Caroline: Max, don't say that after anal leakage.

Max: It'll be fun. Just think of it as a middle school sleepover.
Caroline: With Drugs
Max: Yeah, a middle school sleepover.

Anything I can do to help? I'm pretty courtroom savvy. I mean, I haven't seen every episode of 'Law & Order.' Just, like 400 of them.


Max: Are you sure you didn't represent the woman who ate her child?
Leo: I've never represented anyone who ate their child ... on 'Law & Order.'

2 Broke Girls Quotes

You think this (clicking the fingers) is the sound that gets you service, I think that´s the sound that dries up my vagina.


Hey, when you get a second, stop staring at my boobs.