Del: [looking at a photo] It's definitely Pete Novick. The question is, who's the guy with the long hair and a beard?
Steve: Looks like Jesus of Nazareth.
Del: In off-brand sneakers and denim jacket.
Steve: JC Penney Jesus. Of Pennsylvania.

• Permalink: JC Penney Jesus. Of Pennsylvania.
• Added: September 17, 2021

I don't care if you can make me cum a river of gold coins with a fuckin' card trick, Virgil. You're not stoppin' by. And besides, I'm not messin' with you again until you get yourself checked out.

Grace

• Permalink: I don't care if you can make me cum a river of gold coins with a fuckin' card trick, Virgil....
• Added: September 17, 2021

Virgil: Hey. Whatever you do, do not write Many Happy Returns. Katie Danek's fat mother just chewed me out for it.
Billy: What's wrong with Many Happy Returns?
Virgil: Apparently, it's bad luck to say it at a wedding? You're only supposed to say it at birthdays and New Year's, and shit. Phyllis Danek just bit my head off! FATASS WALRUS!
Shonie: What happens if you say it at a wedding?
Virgil: I don't know, sugarbush. You probably fall in a hole or something.
Shonie: Sugarbush! [grabs him]
Virgil: Titty twist? Don't be titty twisting me in public!

• Permalink: Titty twist? Don't be titty twisting me in public!
• Added: September 17, 2021

Make sure you sign them two Andrew Jacksons so they know we were here cause they're gonna be too goddamned hung over to remember anything tomorrow.

Virgil

• Permalink: Make sure you sign them two Andrew Jacksons so they know we were here cause they're gonna be...
• Added: September 17, 2021